Laughing - with or at?

So, the past few Sundays at church I was the lady up in front of the room leading the music. The room being the sacrament meeting with  a hundred or more people.

I do not have a talent in this area.

Put me behind the organ or piano and I'm usually ok. But, put me up there with a wand and I get side tracked halfway through the song trying to sing the correct words and remember whether the timing is 3/4 or 4/4.

Such is the case of this past Sunday. I'm up there waving the wand and smiling at different people that caught my eye. I fluctuated between singing soprano and alto - which means I was nervous, because I'm an alto. Halfway through one song, I realized that I kept doing the wrong timing. So, I just smiled when I made mistakes and kept going. Seriously, who watches the lady up front anyway, right?

Except a woman - ok, more like a girl - was on the front row and every time I got to the end of a refrain or song where I had to hold the note...she laughed to herself. Not in a good kind of a way. In a kind of a way that felt like she was saying "Duh, stupid, that isn't the way it goes" or "Look at her. She TOTALLY doesn't know what she is doing."

It was a weird feeling. I already knew that I wasn't perfect at it and had even claimed that when I had had a chance to bear testimony while sitting up front. It was startling to me since I felt like others that saw my mistakes smiled, but did so in a way where I felt like they might have made the same mistakes and they understood.

This came from a person that I had gone out of my way to compliment a week before even though I don't know her.

I'm a fairly strong person and it threw me off. What about those that can't handle it? What about those that were visiting for the first time? What about those that are depressed, anxious or lonely?

Not cool. It would be further devastating.

It was, however, a good reminder to remember how to treat people.



I'm sure she thought I didn't notice.


But, I did.


And, I'm writing about it.