Who I Am - after funeral thoughts

Though I don't listen to country music everyday, or even every month, I do have a few favorites. Not because they are amazing in and of themselves, but because they are associated with a meaningful event, relationship, or insight that I had while the song might have been popular.

Over 10 years ago I remember a song sung by Jessica Andrews caught my attention. It is called "Who I Am."

Here are the lyrics:

If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
That'll be alright
If I don't make it to the big leagues
If I never win a Grammy
I'm gonna be just fine
Cause I know exactly who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

So when I make a big mistake
And when I fall flat on my face
I know I'll be alright
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowing
I will be just fine
Cause nothing changes who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser; I'm a winner
I am steady and unstable
I'm young, but I am able

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

The lyrics still hit home with me as I reflect upon my grandmother's life, my life, my parents lives, and ....on the future.

We are made up of our heritage and our own life experiences. Some of those experiences are amazing. Some are not.

The beauty of it all is that we have the ability to change the future - to incorporate those wonderful traits and attributes of those that have gone before and to change those areas that are harmful, useless, or detrimental to our lives and the lives of our families.

What a wonderful gift - to be able to improve and continually change!

Surrounded by so many relatives I was reminded of my wonderful heritage as well as the weaknesses of the collective group. I was able to reflect, to contemplate, to be inspired, and to grow closer to people and memories.

It has changed me for the better. Yes, sometimes I'm a loser, unstable, and clumsy. But, as the song says "It's all a part of me and that's who I am." But, there is current and future greatness wrapped into that as well.

Grateful for this time away from home to re-look at life and prepare for the next steps.

Celebrating the life of Grandma Elizabeth

Funerals do that to us, don't they?

Yes, they do. 

It is sad that grandma is gone, but it is time to celebrate her life by incorporating the goodness that she gave us.

I'm not Rosemary's granddaughter. I'm Elizabeth's granddaughter. I'm Marjorie's granddaughter. I do look like my father and my mother is my biggest fan.

That's who I am.

Yea! 

Low Self-Esteem - comparing people

So, today I had a low self-esteem moment. It came at 8:00 a.m. in the morning through email. I was treated as equal in contributions as someone that I 1.) don't look up to 2.) has a completely different skill set and 3.) quietly goes about trying to find ways that I'm imperfect for some unknown reason - except perhaps to be a "teacher's pet." But, this person is respected by the one person that can make things happen for them.

It really got me down as I looked at how much effort I'd put into this area of expertise and how little appreciation and acknowledgement come my way. I hear that behind the scenes everyone knows who is taking on the work, but they have a hard time telling me to my face.

Where does this leave me?

Well, with an attitude adjustment mid-day. (-:

First, I need to keep plugging forward - learning, doing, being. Keep contributing. Keep moving initiatives forward. Keep creating ideas and processes from blank sheets of paper. Keep my head up.

Secondly, check myself. When am I making people feel like dirt without knowing it? Who do I put down when I should be building up? How am I helping others fulfill their goals and use their talents?

I love the quote by Peter Drucker that talks about how leaders help make others weaknesses irrelevant by  building on their strengths. What a wonderful concept to continually remember!

Anyway, this is a partial de-toxing of the negative feelings I had this morning.

On another note, someone that builds me up a little too much has introduced me to a firm that may need some help in my primary area of expertise (e-learning/performance support/knowledge management). Pretty cool. It will at least be an interesting conversation. I enjoy being able to help people generate ideas in the area of learning even if there is no payment. And, sometimes especially if there is no payment - then there is no pressure. (-:

Thanks for listening. Must get ready for my discussion.

Power Suits

This is the least important item on my mind this week, but the easiest to write about - power suits.

I've never been a big fan of suits, but I do have a lot of them. In fact, I have over 10 of them all nice and built for tall ladies like me. However, most of them have been sitting in my closet untouched for the last couple of years.

About a month ago I decided to start wearing them again to work. After all, I do need to look a little more professional on a daily basis.

It feels pretty good. They are comfortable and I think people do treat you a little different when you are in a suit. For the first time, I'm actually enjoying them...and it's nice to know that my closet is full of options since I won't be buying any new clothing anytime soon.

So, here's to the power suit. Let's hope it brings more power. Ok, maybe I'll just go for higher work self-esteem and some more money.

Presidential Challenge - Bronze Medalist

Congratulations to me! I am officially a bronze medalist in the President's Challenge. (http://www.presidentschallenge.org/)

Now, let me explain a little more about this great race.

Really, you just log in the points for whatever exercise you did each day and when you reach 20,000 points you hit bronze medal status. At this point you can keep going to 45,000 points to get a silver medal and then on to a gold medal for even more points.

The funny thing is that you have to order your own medals if you want them. So, being a little needy in the feeling rewarded department, I decided to send the $15 in to receive the conglomeration of medal, certificate, ribbon and lapel pin shown below. I do have to say - it is worth every penny! Soon I shall be donning an exercise outfit and going to stand on the Lincoln Memorial steps for a photo shoot just so I can look like I'm some kind of Olympic medalist.

Sad for me, but high self-esteem builder for everyone else, I have not lost a single pound through all this exercise. However, it has provided much needed stress relief. Plus, I get to feel a sense of completion on something which I rarely get to feel nowadays.

Note: I was pleased to see that the Presidential Champion medal was at least "Made in the U.S.A." Of course, who knows where it was really made, but at least they got the stamping right. I've seen these blunders on presidential type things before and this was a smart non-blunder.

Having enjoyed many an intramural sport in my college years, I have somehow bypassed the joy of getting medals that hang around your neck. I will admit to wearing this around the house for an hour or so.

Who would have thought that such a cheap ribbon and piece of metal would make one feel so good?

Again, it's the simple joys that bring out the secret happiness in all of us.

So, congrats to me and hope you take on the challenge too!


Of special note is the fact that they didn't even put my name in the "Presented to" field of the certificate.

Ah well, I will conduct my own signing and photo shoot for this endeavor. One must create their own false media frenzy at times.

When Guilt Sets In...

This is the point the guilt set in....

However, the first half of the cake was shared with a friend.

This part was thrown away just to increase self-esteem since self-control took far too long to kick in.