Faith is not a feeling, it is a decision

This weekend I watched the worldwide conference for my church. Luckily, I live in a place where someone local has some influence on these matters and it happened to be on TV. Pretty cool considering that I'm on the east coast far away from the influences of the Rocky Mountain west.

Only the audio files are available at this time, but here's the link - http://lds.org/conference/sessions/display/0,5239,23-1-947,00.html

I only remember one phrase from the conference and it continues to stick in my mind:

"Faith is not a feeling, it is a decision." (I'll put who said it later because I honestly can't remember)

Perhaps it is because I go from having a lot of faith right now to feelings of despair rather quickly. Something will be said, a life event will happen or I watch the 401k start to go down by five digits instead of the usual three or four. I'll admit that it's been even harder during a time where I've made extra efforts to refocus life, study the good word, visit the temple A LOT, try to help others even when it's hard, and plan for an important upcoming event in my life.

Sometimes the going gets tough and that's why this quote seemed to penetrate my heart. It is a decision. I've made the decision before. A few months ago I decided this and the confidence that accompanied it was invigorating. However, when things don't fall into place after deciding to decide...hope does dwindle and faith truly reverts to the size of a mustard seed.

Where does this leave me now? Well, I will do what I always do. Write about it, cry about it, think about it and complain about it. Go to bed. Get up the next day and decide once again to have faith and move forward.

Somehow I, like everyone else, can look back a year (or more) later and say "Wow, I forgot even going through all that" or "I can't believe I was so worried." At that point, perhaps faith does have a feeling. A confirmation that a trial was overcome (or at least "gone through") and quite possibly the next challenge will be manageable.

Until then, it's another day and another decision.