New Years - a moment of reflection 45 minutes in to a better year

It is dark out and quiet. I've turned off the tv because the mediocre performers on Dick Clark's show were polluting all the good ideas I had at the gym earlier this evening. Yes, my resolutions are "rolling resolutions" and they don't start today. However, those resolutions that continue to roll over multiple years have now become a priority.

Here I am in the dark, in my bed, and on the laptop. I cannot sleep. I want to pursue all ideas now and feel hope of their success in this 2011.

In some ways, I feel like a bit of a failure this year. So much work and most didn't work out the way I planned.

I only lost 10-15 pounds. I still have no self control with cookies. Even bad cookies run across the room into my mouth. They pester me from distance places.

I stayed at my job, in a role I created, though I thought I'd leave for bigger and better things. Should I say that here? Not a problem. I've said this for a couple of years at work and no one believes me.

I'm still single.

My debt didn't go down, but my 401k went up. Not a lot of good that does right now. Golden handcuffs don't seem so golden, aye?

Friends had big issues. I helped a few and not others.

My soul despaired and went through lessons I had to learn.

But, like all tunnels, there are bright lights in the distance.

Yes, bright lights.

Humility
Humility was learned. Humility I didn't know I needed.

Job
I did stay at my job. I very good job in a bad economy. A position I created myself. A position where I learned that I am the strategist, the coordinator, the puppet master, the implementer and ....not the numbers keeper. A position that requires me to create entire strategies and plans out of nothing and I find that I LOVE that freedom! I haven't moved mountains (yet), but I've been managing some pretty big initiatives and helping an organization through culture change. Changing from old school rigid thinking to implementing new approaches for capturing and sharing knowledge. Uncomfortable approaches for some. My approach isn't perfect, but we are further along than we were last year by a long shot and gaining a lot of buy-in. Plus, I've been able to work with some great forward thinkers along the way. So, why was/am I trying to leave?

Good Gifts
I'm learning to give good gifts. Truly giving. Some giving hurts because they are truly from the heart and take a piece of me away from me. But, I see the wisdom and depth it gives my soul.

Pivotal People
Certain people were there for me at pivotal moments. They helped me help myself...if only through listening as I verbally worked through a problem, or to say "it will be ok" or "I have full confidence in you."

Exercise
Exercise is a key element of my life. No matter what I weigh, I exercise at least five days a week, if only a long walk. This year had many, many, many walks. Many were at a local battleground park where I could think and see the horizon. Sometimes I was quiet with my thoughts and other times I listened to scriptures, books, music or podcasts. All helped increase my knowledge and open my spirit to the possibilities that we sometimes forget are there.

Voices, or lack thereof
More than ever, this year, I learned to tune out all the voices at important times and listen to the one voice that mattered - inspirations from Heaven. My soul trying to figure out what my Heavenly Father wanted me to do with different situations, with moments, with goals and with my life. I experienced more than ever "pure intelligence flowing through me" and "inexplicable joy" in isolated and overpowering moments. Those are the moments that carried me through moments where I could feel nothing.

Relationships
I learned to love some people at church and work that I didn't love before because I allowed myself to reach out OR I accepted their reaching out to me. How beautiful to re-realize and understand that cycle of giving and receiving love, gifts of the heart, etc.

Entrepreneurial
Finally, I've pursued some of my entrepreneurial ideas. One idea was to promote other entrepreneurs, which is a fairly common practice by now, but I'm ok with that. Another is a company I set up six years ago, but couldn't move forward on because it was a conflict of interest. Now I'm moving it forward in different ways. I'm starting some other side work that will hopefully grow larger as I devote more time to the efforts.

Religious and Spiritual
Many people separate these out, but for the most part I put them in the same bucket in my head. Either way, I've grown in all kinds of areas related to understanding the core principles of my religious beliefs, but also learning and growing in other spiritual ways. I've found that my love for reading about psychology, marketing, customers, innovation, learning and related topics help me understand scripture better because I develop better mental models to take the information into my brain in the way I need to use it. And, I continually learn that God loves Rebecker....much, much, much.

Miracles
I continue to experience and witness miracles. And, hope for more to come.



So, perhaps last year was more light than tunnel than I realize. Or, more likely, once you get closer to the light some of the darkness falls behind and seems smaller.


This probably should have gone into my personal journal (and it may well be added), but sometimes it helps to publicly expose trips down memory lane because it can make us accountable to ourselves and others.

Here's to a great new year in 2011!

It will be a great one ....just like how all the others ended up being ...after I forgot the details. (-:

Secret Happiness - Sunday afternoons

Perhaps I'm a bit old-fashion, but after attending church in the morning I spend my Sunday afternoon writing notes, taking walks, writing in my journal/diary and reading. Sometimes even a nap, but then I can't sleep at night and so I haven't been doing that too much. I don't shop on Sundays, partly because of my religion and partially because I understand now why it's a good thing to take a day away from the normal day to day hustle and bustle. And, it's one day that I can actually hear my own thoughts.

Today I wrote in my really personal journal (the offline one) and went on to Facebook and wrote about 10 people notes. Times have changed, aye? Though I should probably send some snail mail, it is kind of nice to glance through the pictures and choose a few people to communicate with each day. It may not mean much to some, but whenever I get a note on my wall, I might as well have gotten a personal letter in the mail. It doesn't even matter if it's a "Hey Becca, what's up?" type message because it's all the same to me. There is this little secret happiness that takes place when I realize someone somewhere thought of me for one moment and did something about it.

Now, knowing that it gives me a secret happiness, shouldn't I do this for others more often?

I think so.

Back to Facebook to write on a few more walls....

Rugby Movie - Forever Strong

I really enjoy rugby. I don't fully understand it, but all of my brothers play, make it the final four championships every year and give me a chance to fly out to Palo Alto to see the play offs and a few relatives. This is the first year in a while where no brother will be playing. But, when Brett comes off his mission, I'm sure he will be back on the playing field and I'll have another trip to look forward to.

A new movie will be coming out in September - Forever Strong. It's based upon a true story about the Highland rugby team (Utah high school) , but that's about all I know. Oh, wait, that's not all I know.

My brother Craig is in the movie playing rugby. He, along with a lot of other All-American rugby players from BYU and University of Utah in 2006, are real rugby players in the movie. The town they filmed in is outside of Toelle, Utah. The town is smaller than Toelle - so it might not actually be a town. I know, I was there. At least for one day. Believe it or not, I had to sleep in my rental car at a truck stop the night before because Salt Lake City had so many conventions that week. All hotels were booked in every direction. After driving around Toelle type towns (late at night- spooky feeling) and finding no hotels (not even Bates hotels), I finally realized I'd have to do the Hawaii vacation trick. That would be putting t-shirts over all the windows and trying to squeeze my six foot frame into the backseat of the smallest size rental car. Those kind of experiences are only good for journal entries at later dates. Anyway...off topic at hand.I sat next to this dummy in the stands and pretended to cheer. We weren't allowed to make any noise while we cheered. Silent cheer. I guess I had nothing else to do while I sat and waited for my brother to finish playing in some rugby scenes.

The players received free food for their efforts...and some exercise and bruises. Some of the volunteers that sat in the bleachers won free iPODs. I'm not sure how free that is after you've had to sit in the sun for 8 hours, but it was amazing to see the characters that came out of the woodwork to participate and await the chance to possibly win an iPOD and receive an over baked hot dog.

The main characters didn't know how to play rugby when they started shooting the film. Craig said they were told to be a little gentle when the main characters were running with the ball or being mauled. I would say tackle, but not sure if that is a rugby term.

Anyway, it should be a good movie. If anything, you will get to hear and see the rugby players doing a hauka (hakka?) dance at some point which is always interesting.

Other links:

• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMsVEyesEeM


• http://www.rugbymovie.com/


• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forever_Strong


• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brigham_Young_University_Rugby_Team


• http://www.byurugby.com/

Introduction

Ok, this is about my 6th blog over the last couple of years. But, I'm going to commit to this one. Most of my comments, insights and travelogs are placed directly in my journal. It's basic. I open Microsoft word and save each entry separately in a file that will one day be printed into numerous journal books. So, that's all fairly private.

My blogs have been about retirement planning, women and investing, tall women clothing and musings about becoming a leader. All failed. Not because they weren't good topics. CNBC has been very successful filling the airways every single day with repetitive market advice and I keep listening. It's just that I don't keep writing. Plus, I keep buying my tall clothing from Eddie Bauer regardless of what I discover online because it is always comfortable and fits my style. Since style isn't my forte, I'm not the person that should keep a blog on it anyway.

So, here it goes on another blog. This one will be about just whatever, but not that much of it. The really personal stuff will still remain in my private Microsoft Word document. Here will remain the fluff, the links to funny family/friend videos on YouTube, links to pics on Picasso or Facebook and perhaps an attempt to network with a few of you through Linkedin. Here's for using web 2.0 to meet all of our social networking needs.

Hopefully you will give me the link to your blog to add to my small link list of family/friends. I have a feeling that I will be a connection to interesting blogs, but not contain much useful information of my own. Oh well, here goes another attempt.