New Years - a moment of reflection 45 minutes in to a better year

It is dark out and quiet. I've turned off the tv because the mediocre performers on Dick Clark's show were polluting all the good ideas I had at the gym earlier this evening. Yes, my resolutions are "rolling resolutions" and they don't start today. However, those resolutions that continue to roll over multiple years have now become a priority.

Here I am in the dark, in my bed, and on the laptop. I cannot sleep. I want to pursue all ideas now and feel hope of their success in this 2011.

In some ways, I feel like a bit of a failure this year. So much work and most didn't work out the way I planned.

I only lost 10-15 pounds. I still have no self control with cookies. Even bad cookies run across the room into my mouth. They pester me from distance places.

I stayed at my job, in a role I created, though I thought I'd leave for bigger and better things. Should I say that here? Not a problem. I've said this for a couple of years at work and no one believes me.

I'm still single.

My debt didn't go down, but my 401k went up. Not a lot of good that does right now. Golden handcuffs don't seem so golden, aye?

Friends had big issues. I helped a few and not others.

My soul despaired and went through lessons I had to learn.

But, like all tunnels, there are bright lights in the distance.

Yes, bright lights.

Humility
Humility was learned. Humility I didn't know I needed.

Job
I did stay at my job. I very good job in a bad economy. A position I created myself. A position where I learned that I am the strategist, the coordinator, the puppet master, the implementer and ....not the numbers keeper. A position that requires me to create entire strategies and plans out of nothing and I find that I LOVE that freedom! I haven't moved mountains (yet), but I've been managing some pretty big initiatives and helping an organization through culture change. Changing from old school rigid thinking to implementing new approaches for capturing and sharing knowledge. Uncomfortable approaches for some. My approach isn't perfect, but we are further along than we were last year by a long shot and gaining a lot of buy-in. Plus, I've been able to work with some great forward thinkers along the way. So, why was/am I trying to leave?

Good Gifts
I'm learning to give good gifts. Truly giving. Some giving hurts because they are truly from the heart and take a piece of me away from me. But, I see the wisdom and depth it gives my soul.

Pivotal People
Certain people were there for me at pivotal moments. They helped me help myself...if only through listening as I verbally worked through a problem, or to say "it will be ok" or "I have full confidence in you."

Exercise
Exercise is a key element of my life. No matter what I weigh, I exercise at least five days a week, if only a long walk. This year had many, many, many walks. Many were at a local battleground park where I could think and see the horizon. Sometimes I was quiet with my thoughts and other times I listened to scriptures, books, music or podcasts. All helped increase my knowledge and open my spirit to the possibilities that we sometimes forget are there.

Voices, or lack thereof
More than ever, this year, I learned to tune out all the voices at important times and listen to the one voice that mattered - inspirations from Heaven. My soul trying to figure out what my Heavenly Father wanted me to do with different situations, with moments, with goals and with my life. I experienced more than ever "pure intelligence flowing through me" and "inexplicable joy" in isolated and overpowering moments. Those are the moments that carried me through moments where I could feel nothing.

Relationships
I learned to love some people at church and work that I didn't love before because I allowed myself to reach out OR I accepted their reaching out to me. How beautiful to re-realize and understand that cycle of giving and receiving love, gifts of the heart, etc.

Entrepreneurial
Finally, I've pursued some of my entrepreneurial ideas. One idea was to promote other entrepreneurs, which is a fairly common practice by now, but I'm ok with that. Another is a company I set up six years ago, but couldn't move forward on because it was a conflict of interest. Now I'm moving it forward in different ways. I'm starting some other side work that will hopefully grow larger as I devote more time to the efforts.

Religious and Spiritual
Many people separate these out, but for the most part I put them in the same bucket in my head. Either way, I've grown in all kinds of areas related to understanding the core principles of my religious beliefs, but also learning and growing in other spiritual ways. I've found that my love for reading about psychology, marketing, customers, innovation, learning and related topics help me understand scripture better because I develop better mental models to take the information into my brain in the way I need to use it. And, I continually learn that God loves Rebecker....much, much, much.

Miracles
I continue to experience and witness miracles. And, hope for more to come.



So, perhaps last year was more light than tunnel than I realize. Or, more likely, once you get closer to the light some of the darkness falls behind and seems smaller.


This probably should have gone into my personal journal (and it may well be added), but sometimes it helps to publicly expose trips down memory lane because it can make us accountable to ourselves and others.

Here's to a great new year in 2011!

It will be a great one ....just like how all the others ended up being ...after I forgot the details. (-:

Pivot People - are you a pivot person?

piv·ot \ˈpi-vət\ - a noun, adjective or verb
Definitions

•  a shaft or pin on which something turns
• a person, thing, or factor having a major or central role, function, or effect b : a key player or position; specifically : an offensive position of a basketball player standing usually with back to the basket to relay passes, shoot, or provide a screen for teammates
• the action of pivoting
  ________________________________________________________________________________

In one of many moments of reflection over the past week, I once again realized how my life is filled with "pivotal" experiences that have shaped who I have become. These experiences were all influenced by special people - some of which I only interacted with for a few minutes, but made a lasting impression on my life.
 
We all have these experiences, but do we remember them? do we realize the impact? do we realize how we impact others pivotal moments? Are we ready for them when they occur?
 
Looking back, I've realized that in every case, I was searching for answers, figuring out some things and trying to live right. Perhaps it is a case of "when the student is ready, the teacher will come." Or, when you are ready to make a change, the pivot person will appear?
 
In any case, I'm extremely grateful to be reflecting upon these moments and realizing a few golden nuggets of truth along the way:

Am I living in a way to realize when pivot people are placed in my life?

Am I living and behaving in such a way that I can be the pivot person for someone else in their moment of need?

We are all pivot people, like it or not - just need to make sure that we don't have the negative impact on another in their process of growth.
__________________________________________________________________________

**The rest of this is a long set of personal examples - sorry, but I just had to write it all down and get it out of me. Doing so makes me realize how important each interaction with other human beings is important.**
 
Here are a few I came up with and I'm sure there are many, many more:

Resident Assistant - toward the end of my first year of college, some of the girls started asking if I was going to apply to an RA job the next year. I had no idea where that came from, but as soon as they asked me about it, I knew that I was to become an RA. I applied, amongst over 20 other applicants, and ended up being one of the four selected. Others knew it before I knew it.

BYU indoor track - in my third year of college, I had no idea "what I was going to do with my life." I was about to turn 21 years old and didn't feel like I'd be at BYU-Utah that next year. So, I tried to become a sports counselor, started the paperwork for the BYU study abroad program in Israel, looked into BYU-Hawaii, and thought I could somehow pull off being an EFY or Girls Academy Counselor over the summer. One night I walked around the indoor track after a hearty game of intramural basketball. A man in his 50s was walking around the same pace as me and started to carry on a conversation. He asked me about my relationships with men and dating. I told him of my "zero" effectiveness factor in that area. I was "the friend" to all the guys, but not the "girlfriend." He said that he thought a mission would help me with that area and wondered if I would go. I don't know what happened, but walking home that night, I walked on air. I knew at that moment, I wasn't going to do any of those things I had planned on and that I wouldn't be at BYU that next year. I got home and my parents called and asked if I had thought about a mission. The next day a friend on campus saw me and said "Rebecker, you are glowing. Did you decide to go on a mission?" All of this from people that hadn't had any conversations with me before these moments. I was on my missions within three months of these experiences.

Moving to DC - ever since my first family vacations (and youth temple trips) to DC, I knew that I wanted to live there. But, over time I forgot the dream. After graduating from college, I took a trip with some friends back east and was re-reminded of my desire to move to the capital. Within one month of the trip, I had packed everything up and moved to Indiana to live with my parents, substitute teach and figure out how to get to DC. I was in Indiana for about eight months and became actively involved in the singles program there. Before spring break, my father handed me a round trip ticket to DC and said he wanted me to do what I initially came to do - go to live and work in DC. I went and through a series of communications I ended up at the church employment office at 4:50 p.m. on a Friday night which ended up being the perfect timing for a pre-screen interview, then an interview and then a job at Ernst & Young LLP. The job made all my future jobs easier to get because EY has a great reputation. I moved to DC within three weeks of this experience.

Graduate School - after September 11th, I moved home to work virtually for a while. It helped me save some money and figure out the next step of my life. I decided to go to graduate school and enrolled in an MBA program through the University of Maryland. I was two classes into the program when a friend from undergraduate MTC training days (Tonya Barnett) emailed me out of the blue and said that she thought I should immediately apply to a graduate program in instructional design and technology at GMU. I read a one paragraph description and applied. I was accepted and immediately moved back to Virginia to start taking classes. After my first class, I realized that I didn't even know what other classes were involved. I had not once questioned whether I should do this or not. It was right and I took action. I look back now and am amazed at how that all happened and what amazing jobs have come from it.

My condo - after graduate school, I made more money. So, I started to realize it might be time to buy a place of my own. I drove around different areas of town and wrote down areas that I liked. I just did this a couple of times and then went out with a realtor one Saturday night. She kept steering me toward a part of town I wasn't interested in and I came home really discouraged and decided to bag the entire thing. Plus, everything in my price range looked junky to me. My roommate Harrison emailed me at work that next Monday. She never emails me at work. She forwarded a condo that had been posted for sale on the singles listserv. She then called me because she felt like this was my condo. I called up the owners and set up a time to come see it that night. This was in 2004, around the "height" of the bidding wars around here. We both went and I knew before walking in that "this was the place." I literally wrote my offer on a piece of notebook paper and signed it. They didn't let anyone come in and bid over. I'm still in this condo now and am grateful that my friend Harrison had the impression and sent it my way.

Do you have any of these pivot people working in your life?