Personal Purpose Journey

As they say, I really think the "universe combines" to take you where you want to go...even if you are only sure of the fact that you need to go somewhere else and no other details.

For the past six months or so, I feel like I've been in the "depths of despair" (Anne of Green Gables) and at the height of inspiration - often in the same day.

Lucky for me - God puts people in my path that continue to help me along this journey.

A simple discussion on the phone, a spiritual breakfast (or dinner) at the Silver Diner, talking with a former co-worker at Border's bookstore as we brainstorm ideas for our future, quotes from different church meetings, drive by cubings at work that turn into heartfelt sharing and innovative solutions, taking a break from the DC traffic to go on a hayride with some good friends.

These are those moments that tell me that I am blessed and must be grateful.

As I make all of the changes that have been swarming around in my head for the last while, I will need all of these moments to reflect on, act on and express gratitude for since all will contribute to who I become and how fast. Note: I'm trying not to say slow because that is not an option. (-:

Either way, this evening I'm experiencing immense gratitude for the people in my life, the possibilities that are ahead and how I can better serve others.

By the way, in particular, "people" actually boils down to a lot of awesome women right now - OK, and a few men. Let me take a moment to name a few:

• My parents - who have learned patience through our lives not going the way THEY planned
• Brothers and Sisters - for being my best friends even if we don't talk every week or even month!
• Nieces and Nephews - that allow themselves a special "Aunt Rebecker" spot in their hearts. All 19 of them...so far.
• My Neighbors - who I'm spending more time getting to know based upon a quote I read on Erin's blog. Come visit and I'll introduce you - we've got some characters.
• Ms. R - for being my mentor, having confidence in me with all the program management "junk" I deal with on a daily basis.
• Angela - for giving me confidence for outwardly expressing that "I am a Woman of God" and talking about religious things with me, though we are of different "faiths."
• Pam - always thinking of ways to keep up, enjoy time shared and talk through the challenges of life.
• Ann - virtual support who I still need to travel the world with since I'm much delayed on delivering my promises. (-:
• Tiffany - my cousin that boldly shares her beliefs (politically and spiritually) on her blog.
• Anthony - a work kindred spirit who loves to talk ideas, forward thinking, politics, and religion.
• Harrison - is still willing to meet up with me for long walks and talks and to share photobooks. And, honestly never judges.
• Heidi - another great conversation that took my thoughts even further on the path toward realizing who I want to be and to get to it!
• Erin - constantly writing and sharing ideas and the ups and downs candidly and with a fierce desire to keep moving forward and making a difference in the world.
• Mrs. L - a new friend who is a bit intimidating (retired Chief Learning Officer for part of DoD) that realized before I did that I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life and was comfortable telling me so.

Wow, I truly did not mean to get carried away here! Thought it was going to be just a couple of people and the list just kept growing. I'm sure I'm forgetting quite a few too.

I am one lucky lady!

Let's all keep on this journey together -side by side. Hmmm - do you remember that song from a long time ago? (I just went and looked it up here - http://visit.elysiumgates.com/rag.html)

Well we ain't got a barrel of money...


We may look ragged and funny...

But we're travelin' on...

Singing our song...

Side by side.

Through all kinds of weather...

What if the sky should fall?

As long as we're together,

It doesn't matter at all.

So we ain't got a barrel of money...

We may look ragged and funny...

But we're travelin' on...

Singing our song...

Side by side.



Through all kinds of weather...

Drought, flood, rain and snow,

We will be together...

So it just don't matter at all...

Oh we ain't got a barrel of money...

We may look ragged and funny...

But we're travelin' on...

Singing our song...

Side by side.



Don't know what's comin' tomorrow...

maybe it's trouble and sorrow...

but we'll travel the road...

sharin' our load...

side by side.



Oh we ain't got a barrel of money...

We may look ragged and funny...

But we're travelin' on...

Singing our song...

Side by side.

When they've all had their quarrels and parted...

we'll be the same as we started...

just travlin' along singin' a song...

side by side.

Full Brain as of late

My brain has been over-occupied the last few months and I really haven't desired to write even if I've had a moment. But, figured I'd catch up the three people that read my blog on the goings on in my head.

I've taken on A LOT of responsibility at work. In a way, I'm in a perfect storm. I've written about this before, but it bears repeating for context.

I've been training two managers to take over some of my previous role. I'm leading the efforts to design two new systems - one is an online development tool in conjunction with some other organizations. One is for games and simulations specifically associated with training adults. Additionally, I'm leading the day-to-day operations of a large contract team. Ok, well, not that large yet, but it will be about 18-20 people. I also get to lead efforts to re-design our processes and standards. Think business process re-engineering, CMMI, web 2.0, content management, and learning strategies all wrapped into one.

Bottom line: exciting and tiring. Lots of people, lots of processes, lots of systems and no time to really focus on any one thing.

Yes, there are issues. Yes, my brain is full. Yes, I'm about five pages of to do lists behind.

But, it's been invigorating.

It's taken 3-4 months, but I'm finally at a point where the two managers are able to take on some of my projects and run with them. The emails for the new roles are going up while the emails from the old responsibilities are going down.

I'm experiencing the joy of passing on responsibilities to someone else knowing that I did the best I could do, but that they have talents and skills to take it to the next step. I'm not jealous. I feel like a proud teacher. They will succeed and I will move on and succeed in my endeavors. My goal isn't to become indispensable in a position. My goal is to become an indispensable forward thinker and strategic leader. But, I can ensure others become indispensable in their areas of expertise. However, at times it is difficult to let go of something when you put so much work into "getting it right." I sometimes forget that there are multiple ways to get something right and things will move on without me.

One of the most frustrating thing about being busy with the real world of implementing, is that I haven't taken time to stay up late reading books that I enjoy. Granted, I can listen to scriptures on my phone, but I haven't taken the time to download any other business, finance, or leadership books and I'd really like to do so. Then again, I'm living and breathing what the books talk about every day and doesn't that account for more than reading about it?

Regardless, life has been full. It's been tough. My personal life needs improvement and sometimes I just don't have the energy to improve it.

At church I sit behind a piano for two hours playing songs for the kids. It has it's pros and cons, but I'm realizing that every time I have a lot going on my in personal and professional life, I get a piano playing calling at church. Interesting. At least I'm given only what I can handle.

What would I do if life calmed down? I don't know. It hasn't been calm for such a long time that I think it would throw me off. The constant challenge keeps me invigorated and forward thinking.

On the other hand, personal relationships need to come more to the forefront because that is what really matters.

As usual, I'm realizing through writing this that I'm in a constant state of imbalance, but always learning from the process.

I just realized that I'm rambling and should probably get off the computer and get ready for another day at the office. Or, should I go in a little late and contact a friend? In light of what I just wrote about, perhaps it is time to write a note to someone.

Hope Floats

Hope Floats is the name of a movie. But, this post isn't about that movie. It is about hope and how I do indeed think that it "floats."

Life has it's challenges right now. Oh, wait, it always has it's challenges and I have proof in over 20 handwritten journals of my life. My work completely stresses me out and yet when I say that I'm really referring to some people at work stressing me out and not the work itself. I actually kind of like most of the work I do even though I am ready for a new challenge.

There are days where my faith wavers and I'm less hopeful. I can't see the possibilities on these days. But, whenever I pray for the hope, I notice that less than an hour later my attitude has changed and I'm going about my business as if I hadn't had the previous moment of despair.

In some ways it feels like one of those levelers. The little bubble is so difficult to keep centered, but if you stay still and just make minor adjustments it seems to work. The good thing about the level is that it is very apparent when the bubble floats off in another direction and you know you are not on steady ground.

So much for random analogies, but I'm glad hope floats. Though it would be great to have it all the time, it's the times without it that make me appreciate those times with it.

Hope is floating pretty well right now.

Blog Pickle site!

I set up a separate blog for blog pickles since I figured I needed a place to just go access the information separately.

http://bloggerpickles.blogspot.com/

Random Thoughts cont...

After I posted some comments the other day about people saying things that help me change, I got a text message from my friend:

"As I prayed tonight, the following scripture made me think of you. I would be disobedient if I didn't share it with you:

I will bless the Lord who has counseled me; Indeed, my mind instructs me in the night. I have set the Lord continually before me; Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalms 16:7-8

Good-night, Angela"

It was perfect timing because I had someone at work (my boss) that made comments that made me doubt my abilities. I probably took the comments wrong, but either way, it was good to get a little inspiration from a friend through the cell phone.

Random Thoughts - from other people

Isn't it interesting how different people make a comment here and there and you end up having a certain emotion, insight action or feeling based on what they've said? This pretty much happens everyday, but I don't stop and think about it too much.

Like just today, someone I know said that they didn't know what they would do if they hadn't discovered "Google Reader" to organize their search of the internet. So I of course looked it up and am going to start using it.

Or, I was talking to my sister-in-law Jessica about ADD and eating and I thought maybe I'm not aware of how much I eat. For some reason the thought stayed in my mind and I came home and ordered some CDs that are supposed to hypnotize me into food consumption control. Ha. Well, I figured it was worth a try! I lived by a place in Fairfax (Harrison and Ann may remember) that had a sign offering hypnosis for smoking or food addiction and I was always tempted to go see if it was effective. Those places should have concealed entrances ...just as should weight loss centers, spas, laser treatment places and tanning salons. It seems they are all wide open with huge windows for everyone to see people going in and out.

A guy stopped in my office the other day and started to talk about "The Last Lecture" a professor gave after he found out he had a terminal illness. I came home and watched it and found that it , along with other feelings and experiences I've had over the last month, helped me get back into writing notes and taking more time for people.

My boyfriend planted the thought that I should go to graduate school when I was content to move along in jobs that were ok, but not in my real areas of interest. I applied, was accepted, and finished before I realized what I had gotten myself into. I even earned a 4.0 to my own surprised because I had been more concerned with finishing the projects properly than what grade I would receive.

Some of the kids I teach on Sunday pipe up with comments on how I should discipline them, what they think of the lesson, and with interesting ideas that I often incorporate in my next lesson with them.

It's amazing how our daily interactions, whether virtual or physical, have an impact on us in some way. Sometimes the littlest comment or observation can make pivotal changes in our lives. Hopefully the comments that come from my mouth help and don't hurt. Yes, I know that sometimes they hurt and later I always regret what I've said.

Perhaps this quote should always be above the desk, the tv, the fridge, and the door:

"Sticks an stones can break your bones, but words will break your heart." I might add that it should have another half that includes "but words will heal your heart" or "but words will inspire your heart" or "but words will change your heart."