funeral - Friday, oct. 13, 2017

2013 - the year of the lack of blogging

Wow! Did 2013 just come and go?

Thank goodness!

It wasn't one of my favorite years. In fact, in many ways it was one of the worst yet.

Health challenges, furlough challenges, work craziness, house repairs and selling challenges, death of loved ones, and even some despair about just about everything going on.

Yet, some good things happened along the way - relationships are intact, marketing skills are improved, awards won, and I felt closer to family along the way.

So, what will 2014 bring?

It started off with a disturbing phone call and the water heater breaking down. Oh, and feeling like a sick zombie in bed for a week.

Unbelievable.

But, I'm in good spirits. Secret happinesses have already come this week. I'm closing out a ton of projects at work and will be able to focus on 2-3 big priorities. Plus, I've got BIG goals.

It's not all bad. It's half good.

There will be challenges this year, but I'm ready. The blogging might not increase. I'm shirking back a bit and not listening to what everyone else is doing. I need to re-find myself.

Here's to 2014!

Who I Am - after funeral thoughts

Though I don't listen to country music everyday, or even every month, I do have a few favorites. Not because they are amazing in and of themselves, but because they are associated with a meaningful event, relationship, or insight that I had while the song might have been popular.

Over 10 years ago I remember a song sung by Jessica Andrews caught my attention. It is called "Who I Am."

Here are the lyrics:

If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
That'll be alright
If I don't make it to the big leagues
If I never win a Grammy
I'm gonna be just fine
Cause I know exactly who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

So when I make a big mistake
And when I fall flat on my face
I know I'll be alright
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowing
I will be just fine
Cause nothing changes who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser; I'm a winner
I am steady and unstable
I'm young, but I am able

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

The lyrics still hit home with me as I reflect upon my grandmother's life, my life, my parents lives, and ....on the future.

We are made up of our heritage and our own life experiences. Some of those experiences are amazing. Some are not.

The beauty of it all is that we have the ability to change the future - to incorporate those wonderful traits and attributes of those that have gone before and to change those areas that are harmful, useless, or detrimental to our lives and the lives of our families.

What a wonderful gift - to be able to improve and continually change!

Surrounded by so many relatives I was reminded of my wonderful heritage as well as the weaknesses of the collective group. I was able to reflect, to contemplate, to be inspired, and to grow closer to people and memories.

It has changed me for the better. Yes, sometimes I'm a loser, unstable, and clumsy. But, as the song says "It's all a part of me and that's who I am." But, there is current and future greatness wrapped into that as well.

Grateful for this time away from home to re-look at life and prepare for the next steps.

Celebrating the life of Grandma Elizabeth

Funerals do that to us, don't they?

Yes, they do. 

It is sad that grandma is gone, but it is time to celebrate her life by incorporating the goodness that she gave us.

I'm not Rosemary's granddaughter. I'm Elizabeth's granddaughter. I'm Marjorie's granddaughter. I do look like my father and my mother is my biggest fan.

That's who I am.

Yea! 

In Memory Of - Grandma - Elizabeth Hanks Clark

On Friday, October 25, 2013, in the afternoon, my grandmother Elizabeth (Beth) slipped away peacefully in her sleep.

She was 93 years and 49 weeks old. I thought for sure her goal was to reach 94 years. But, she decided to leave peacefully while still having her wit and senses about her.

I shed a few tears, but am content in knowing that I made a special trip to see her in May earlier this year because I knew it was close to her time. My constant priority to write letters to my grandparents these past few years has come from that gnawing feeling I've had from other experiences and regrets.

It is important to me to take time this weekend to write down my memories and thoughts about her as a final tribute to a woman that made it possible for me to be on this planet! Remembering her reminds me of where I've come from and where I want to go. These moments of reflection are invaluable to modifying our paths in life to ensure that we are seeking the right things and that we can take with us when we pass to the next step after our lives on this earth end.

And so it goes, a long tribute to my grandmother - a woman who led a long and meaningful life!

Don't know much

I don't actually know a lot about my grandmother. She was one of the rare women who graduated from college back in the day. She attended Brigham Young Academy (now Brigham Young University - Utah). She met my grandfather when they lined up across from their partners and someone counted one off. Wa-la! There was grandpa!

They married and started having children - nine to be exact.

Since I'm the oldest grandchild of 42+ grandchildren, I might have the longest memories of her, but there were a lot of children and grandchildren in Idaho at that time and I grew up primarily in the Mid-western United States. My memories are most often associated with the summers we traveled "out West" to see "Grandma's house" each summer and when my grandparents came to see us wherever we lived.

My sister RaeLyn prepares to blow out three candles. I'm in the background sitting on grandma's lap anticipating the event. This is the first time I remember clearly being with my grandmother. P.S. I'm realizing that my anxiety started really young. I still don't like suspense!

Hardworking Woman (aka Stay at Home Mom)

Grandma always seemed to be busy - busy preparing music to teach children at church, busy canning peaches and other fruit, busy cleaning the house or yard, busy playing the piano or organ, busy with genealogy, and busy with other church and family responsibilities.

Genealogy project in May 2013 - she couldn't rest until we started working on it

After seeing her example, and that of my own mother, I've never understood why "Stay At Home Mom" is used to describe women who choose to spend time with their children during the hours of 8-5. I never got the feeling that this was a negative thing because at my grandmothers house and my own home, it seemed like there were never ending projects and activities going on that kept everything active and busy. That didn't even count all of the time spent going outside, traveling around town and perhaps even over to another town for a day. 

LtoR: Mom, Me, and Grandma - in my Pentagon City, VA apartment in 1999

To this day, I hope to be a mother like my grandmother and my own mother - thinking outside the stay at home box and thinking more about using time and resources toward creating a wonderful learning environment for my family.

A Loving Inspiration to Children

She was hardworking, but whenever a child entered the room she was right there greeting them with all of her love and attention. She read stories in her special storytelling voice, helped them play with the toys in her special children's area downstairs, and taught them to love music.

One Christmas we were staying at my grandparents house and my parents wanted to take me out on an errand. It was right after receiving the Christmas gifts and I've always been a bit possessive of ALL my belongings and wanted to take everything with me. My parents would not let me. I cried and complained and my grandmother assured me that everything would be ok. It ended up more than ok. While we were gone she whipped up a new dress for the doll I received that Christmas. I was amazed and in awe that this could come about while we were out on a simple errand. I think I still have that doll and that dress hidden in my cedar chest (which has a flat screen TV sitting on top of it right now and so I'll just keep writing). 

Music

It seemed that much of her life revolved around music. She was the chorister for the children at church into her 90s! She played the piano and the organ and she loved to sing. I still remember summer evenings when her children (my aunts and uncles) would gather in the living room to sing and tell stories. It was fun to sit back and listen and it the deep rich voices all blended into wonderful harmonies.

Missionary and Willing Traveler

Right after my grandparents got married, they went on a mission to New York. Or, at least my grandmother joined my grandfather at least partway through his mission. After their children were raised, they decided to go to New Guinea and New Zealund. I was in grade school and perhaps junior high school during these years. I remember that my first computer programming was a picture of a kiwi bird, inspired by a picture from their mission of a kiwi bird. I was so proud that my grandparents were off in an exotic foreign land teaching the gospel of Christ, educating the villages, and setting up singing programs in their local communities.

Most recent form of transportation

I served a mission in my early 20s and was able to visit them on their last mission in Pittsburgh, PA. It was great to be involved in similar work and know the same joys they had experienced.

Gift Giver

Grandma was known for making birthday gifts and Christmas gifts a year ahead of schedule. With so many brothers, sisters, and grandchildren it was quite the task. But, she did it. There were moments of fun when clothing was made or purchased a year ahead of time and the gifts didn't quite fit. But, it was the thought that counted and we all had large families where the article of clothing was bound to fit someone!

Wife, Sister, Mother, Grandmother, Great-Grandmother

I don't have children, but I'm an aunt to over 20 children and find joy in celebrating their successes and seeing them grow. She was from a large family, she raised a large family and she was there for all the grandchildren and great-grandchildren along the way. 

She took her roles as wife, sister, mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother very seriously until the end. In fact, until yesterday she greeted family and other visitors by name and held conversations with them and made their children feel special.

Legacy and Example

My grandmother has created a legacy. A posterity that has gone on to have great faith, pursue high goals and to obtain education (both formally and informally). There are some things she never said, but her example showed what was important to her - God, family, church, education, music, and teaching children. 

At the end of the day, what really matters is how we feel around a person. If they make us better for having known them. If we aspire to higher goals because of their influence. If we gain faith by feeling their Spirit.

My grandmother made me a better person. I'm proud to be her grand-daughter. I'm proud to be her posterity. I hope to continue to honor her as I make decisions for this second half of this wonderful life. 

Many people often say R.I.P. signifying "Rest In Peace." I'm sorry. I don't think that is happening right now with my grandmother. I think she is already whispering in the ears of all of us to get started on that next project swishing around in our heads. Or, maybe she is leading a singing group in a heavenly choir or perhaps telling some children a story.

No matter, I know she is pain free, busy and awaiting when she can see the rest of her family. It  may take a while. Some of us have some work still to do here!

Good-bye Grandma! I love you and am grateful for the many years we've had together - my entire life and just 1/2 of yours.

Love you,

Rebecca

Your Oldest Grandchild