Life's a Beach - details and horizons

After a long week of "working until midnight" days, I decided to take a little jaunt by myself to the shores at the mouth of the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland.

Like many drives around the Mid-Atlantic, most of the road is accompanied by forest after forest of trees, with a few breaks to see what lies beyond. Small towns, farmland, ponds, oceans? Who knows with all these trees.

But, off I went away from DC.

It is amazing what 20 miles outside of DC can do - relaxation begins to come back, as well as the shock that people still live in trailers and there are easterners that own four wheeler bikes.

Shame on me for becoming a "city-folk."

This is true America right outside of the granite halls of "justice" and "peace."

American flags, old trucks, fish/bait shops, and dirty old convenience stores lined the way. All good scenery, but the beach beckoned.

Without planning, I didn't have a particular destination in mind. That is, until I looked at the map and saw "Point Lookout State Park" listed on the bottom tip of the peninsula.

The tip of the peninsula ensured that I would be in that place nearest to Atlantic Ocean.

And, there it is! Where an old military hospital used to stand, one remaining building, a whole lot of rocks and a few stray fishermen - Point Lookout at the edge of the peninsula.

Since the beach was a ways off, and cluttered with too many people, I took to these rocks.

It was a bit hot - like over 100 degrees - and I had to wear my white hat to wart off the extra rays beating down and making me sweat. Yes, sweating while standing in a sea breeze.

However, it forced me into a few interesting observations.

First, the importance of viewing the horizon and seeing "the big picture."

(No, it isn't bad photography. The water isn't really a pretty color and the sky was a bit hazy)

Secondly, the importance of looking a bit closer.

(All the rocks had shells nestled up between them)

Third, how looking closer opens the mind. The realization that if there were a few shells, there must be more and perhaps some that I'd like to take home.

So, I walked further - near the guys that were fishing.

And, I found a special little spot. A tiny beach just for people like me - wanting alone time with the water, sand, heavens and breeze.

Looking closer, I started to find my shells.

Is it just me or are shells glorious when you pick them up and then a little less so when you get them home? Even so, I feel like a little girl whenever I pick up a shell - especially if I turn it over and it is extra shiny or contains an unusual array of colors.

My little treasures had to be put on display before I made my final selection from nature.

And, even more fun than swimming in the ocean is walking along it dipping the toes in the water as the sometimes tiny waves lap at the feet.

So many little details that I didn't see from a distance to be enjoyed.

And yet, so many little details two feet away that could cause problems.

Ah, these relaxing times to re-think life, ponder the grander of the heavens and the scariness of the ocean's depths. To see the horizons and see the details. All of the details. Up above and down below. To feel the details in the wind, the sand, the heat, the jellyfish, the shells, the worn down tree branches and the water.

Details and horizons all wrapped up into one solitary experience.

I say life's a beach - horizons and details.

And, if God can put that much effort and care into a little beach, just think about what He can do for me or you.

Next road trip - finding out His details for me.

Quiet

I'll admit to being a little quiet lately on the RebeckerOnline front. I have a lot going on inside and outside of my head. It's like I'm going through a big huge reflective period of life while de-toxing from the extremely stressful last few work years.

I see why it is difficult to take these reflective moments on because it forces dealing with reality.

What am I going to do the rest of my life? Will I have a family? Have I spent my time wisely? Do I help the right people? What was I supposed to do with this time and did I do it? Am I comparing myself to myself or to other people and their seemingly perfect lives? Why am I not rich yet? Should I become an entrepreneur sooner rather than later? Why do I relapse and eat entire (large) bags of peanut M&Ms just because they are sitting there? Oh, wait, why did I feel the need to save 4 cents an ounce and buy the big bag when I know full well I'm a peanut M&M -oholic? Who are these people on Facebook that go to the mall everyday shopping? And, why do they have the need to share? Should I be selling that book on Amazon or keep it to share with a friend? Why can't I talk to my friends sometimes? Why can I become such a hermit when I need to deal with issues?  When did I start liking tv so much? Why do I work in a cube farm? Is the world going to end in 2012 or is the history channel creating spin like all the other news channels? How can I be of better service to others and at the same time just plain get away from people? Why do I want to get away from people, especially since I'm a person? Why can't I write like Seth Godin and be a good "Linchpin?" Why does he have thousands of followers of his blog? Do I want that? I don't know.

Why does my life never go the way I planned?

The what, where, why and how questions are rarely helpful to me. But, once in a while I do ask the questions.

Geesh! Re-reading this I feel like a complainer.

Regardless, I'm grateful for those quiet friends. Those that I can go back to after not talking for three months, a year, five years or whatever. I'm grateful for those that continually try even if I'm not mentally ready. Even if I'm fighting battles in my head alone. I'm grateful for random family visits (which I've had over the last few weeks) where I have real conversations with people that must be part of my life even if they didn't choose it. And, part of me knows that they would have chosen to be friends even if we weren't family. I'm grateful for past co-workers that invite me to their lake house for a few hours and I drive back feeling like I experienced a week long vacation.

Right now I need to quietly deal with a few things, but I'm anxious for the next phase.

A beautiful little quote to remember:

"You can fly, but let go of that cocoon of yours."

Ah, but its still a little safer in here...

Talks in My Head

I bet this is a little known fact, but I have given some amazing talks in my life. They've been extremely eloquent, well thought out and drawn from personal experience, scriptural references, business magazines, prophets, thought leaders and deep introspection.

Also, little known to most is my uncanny ability to profoundly put senior leadership in their place. My carefully phrased quips slice to the core of issues and put the leading emperors off balance. They, the leadership emperors, leave the conversations with a sure knowledge that we townspeople (employees) do not think they are wearing clothes and will rise up to tell them so. Or, even more scary, that we will suppress this information from them and widespread upheaval will take place without their knowledge. The reality - do they care either way? Maybe some of them are already comfortable naked, especially if they have a good paycheck coming from an organization that would never fire them.

Lest anyone think I'm being pompous, let me be a little clearer.

All of these talks and conversations are in my head. They most frequently occur at times such as these (before 5 a.m.) or when I'm going to bed at the end of a particularly insightful, challenging or discouraging day.

The question is - if I ever get these profound ventures down in writing, will they still be so deeply moving?

Perhaps it is time to keep a tape recorder by the bed so I can click the record button every time profundity starts to flow through my brain. Or, maybe I can just pick up my iPhone and call myself (since I use it as my morning alarm) and leave a message.

Hmmm.

Note to self: Start capturing these things and keep my eyes open. Perhaps someone else is writing about me at this exact moment with an entry titled "Rebecker - the Queen without a gown."

Secret Happiness - paper and primary mail

Those who know me well from past days know that I am a paper junky. Or, at least I was back in the day. I spent quite a few thousand at Staples and Office Depot on computer desks, filing cabinets, folders, pens, computer stuff and....lots of different types of paper.

Though I've only purchased the basic printer paper the last few years, the remains of past paper overdoses still grace my home office. Some paper I've put to good use and some I've given away.

This year I've had the great opportunity to utilize my paper inventory for meaningful endeavors through the form of "primary mail." I didn't have the idea for primary mail, but I do get to implement it. Primary is where the children go during two of the three church hours for instruction. Part of that time is singing time, with a small teaching moment from one of the primary leadership and then there are a few minutes for the kids to do the prayer, share a scripture or give a little talk.

So, in walks me - the secretary. Secretary is an odd word for me, since that is the last job on earth that I should be doing (too many little seemingly unimportant details - over and over again), but I must say that it has been a good experience. I get to create the primary mail each week.

Up to this point I've been using white paper and using bright markers and stickers to make fun envelopes. But, this weekend I found more paper treasures! So, this month the kids will be getting the cool striped paper and September will be the pastel yellow and lime green paper.

We'll see about the rest of the year. I am finally getting low on the stash.

Not all the children like primary mail. Like Pavlov's dogs, they have associated it with an assignment. Some of the kids throw out the envelope after they open it and read their assignment. Some of the kids get a huge smile on their face and show everyone around them their bright envelope (this tends to be the 3-5 year olds). Others discretely save the paper and envelope in their scriptures or notebook and over time I see a flash of old envelopes when they access their materials each week.

It gives me a little secret happiness. After all, it was all just sitting there at my house gathering dust. It is amazing to see what a little paper can do when put to good use - primary mail, a letter, a special note, a picture, a drawing, etc.

If this were an analogy, it would be safe to say that we have all been given the materials to work good. Sometimes it just takes a while to realize that fact and put the materials to good use. And, over time, we sometimes find other uses for the materials that we never knew existed or just surfaced at the right time.

I imagine a lot of us have some "unused paper" in the form of personal talents. But, luckily, just pursuing one of those talents typically leads us on to many others.

Hmmm. Deep thoughts. About paper of all things.

Motivations

Today I took a walk and had quite a few "deep thoughts" about tons of different topics. For some reason, they get less profound between the time I have the thought, write a reminder on my iPhone to think it through more, and when I actually sit down to write.

I'm still going to try to muddle through this half idea here.

My Aunt Anne has been on my mind for a few days because she died recently and I'm going to put her personal history into a book format so members of the family can have their own copy.

Whether it is true or not, my memory tells me that my Aunt Anne had the most beautiful bedroom at my grandparents home. I'm not sure if it started out as her room, but I remembered it being hers when I was a teenager and when we drove out west to visit my grandparents. Here's my sister RaeAnna in the room.

The bedroom is on the main floor (huge plus compared to the basement) of my grandparents home. It has (or perhaps had) a really nice sky blue carpet, light blue walls, and lots of beautiful dolls strategically placed around the room. It also had a large mirror on the wall nestled between two large closets. I have memories of getting my hair brushed and curled in front of that mirror.

My grandparents had a beautiful light green bedroom, but that was never an option for sleeping. So, the choices besides Aunt Anne's room were either a large bedroom with brown carpet (huge minus - spiders can hide in brown fairly well) and a few bedrooms downstairs that seemed uninhabited (huge minus - basement and uninhabited means possibility of more spiders).

Long story longer - I liked when I got to sleep in Aunt Anne's room. In fact, I didn't even care if I had to cram in there with five other kids. It was a comfortable and beautiful room. (Note: my grandparents actually have a beautiful home that has always had a slightly Frank Lloyd Wright feel to it and seemed to be ahead of it's time. Just wanted to make that clear.)

Today I was thinking about it and realized that all of us liked that room, but for very different reasons. I liked the light, airy and clean feel to the room. My sisters seemed to really like the dolls. I thought they were pretty cool for a couple of minutes and then I moved on.

So, all of us liked the result (being in the bedroom), but for different reasons.

If the dolls were taken out of the room, my sisters may not have gone in the room. If the living room had the light blue carpet, I would have been in the living room instead of that room. So, that would have produced different results (no one in the bedroom).

Am I the only person that finds this interesting?

I guess it makes me wonder about motivations in different parts of my life and yours. What motivates me? What do I really like about my job? What don't I like? Why do certain things bug me? Why do I make certain choices? Are my motivations healthy, wise, spiritual? Where will my motivations lead me in the long term?

This is just a start of a thought, and perhaps a little web research at some point, but it was just interesting to take a few moments to reflect on the fact that we all show up to the same places often (work, school, church, store, etc.), but so many different motivations and thought processes take place to get to the same spot. However, we freely leave those places for the same or different motivations.

Hmmm. Like I said, this is just a partial thought. I'm only halfway through it. Will have to think upon this further.