Today I'm home sick. Nothing to pass on to someone else. I think I had a reaction to a medicine. But, who knows really. It could have been that bad orange juice coming out of Brazil that was on the news this morning. Time will tell.
The good thing about feeling sick is that I'm home and only partially working. It is wonderful that you can be a completely competent conference call participant while laying on the bed feeling like a zombie. As long as you say "yes" at the appropriate places, ask a question or two and respond with a follow-up email, all is well in the world of work. Lucky for me I have over 300 sick hours that are just sitting there for times like these...which I hope will be rare.
Another good thing about being sick is the time it provides me to think! Really think. Answer the big questions -what am I doing with my life? Why am I doing it? Should I be doing it? What do I value most? ...and the list of questions go on.
I'm wanting something different for 2012 and beyond. I want time to see friends, time to share insight into health, religion, money, art, and exercise. I want to really get my business off the ground and not let the day job overtake everything. I want a family above all else. I want to travel beyond all the day trips I'm taking. I want to be out of debt and invested in the right things. Perhaps I'll sell my house. Perhaps not. Either way, it is time to move beyond these small walls into something that allows room for growth and creativity.
There is one fact of life that I'm sure of - it never goes as I plan. That is OK because it has turned out fine. But, that doesn't mean the anticipation is easy. I've had a session or two of tears when I realize that I'm way off course in some areas and feel like some opportunities passed me by that others take for granted. Yet, I've gotten to have experiences that others may never know.
Gratitude comes back when I remember these things.
So, today is rather ironic. I'm going to take a meal to a young woman that is giving birth to twins. Right after calling her, I called my own doctor to find out what I should do about my reaction to my medicine. Medicine that is supposedly helping my body get healthy so I can have kids. One person is on bed rest and I'm just laying on my bed for an unknown reason.
Ah well. All in good time they say while also hinting that time is of the essence.
For now, it is a new year and time to make the most of it.
Cheers!
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Friday, November 11, 2011
Overwhelmed
I've been overwhelmed for a while. The toil of working so many hours has a huge impact on me. Mentally I have difficulty dealing with people 10-12 hours a day with constant interruptions. Physically, it is bad for me and hard to get the right amount of exercise, sleep and good eating necessary to keep my body working properly. Politics wear me out. I'm never caught up. My house is pretty messy (and that will be another post!).
And yet...
Every few days I have an amazing conversation, a mind growing moment, a meaningful workshop or completion of something I've been working on for a long time.
That is overwhelming as well. Overwhelming feelings of contentment, gratitude and peace.
They almost balance out.
Yes, I'm looking at ways to make big changes over this next year. Some change is quick, some is gradual and some may never come. Either way, I'll work them and see what the future holds.
For now, I'm realizing that being overwhelmed is a part of my life. Sometimes in a bad way, but at other moments very powerfully good.
Tonight I'm basking in the opportunity to get all my experiences and thoughts out of my head while no one is here. That is overwhelmingly satisfying.
Best get offline to make the moment last. (-:
And yet...
Every few days I have an amazing conversation, a mind growing moment, a meaningful workshop or completion of something I've been working on for a long time.
That is overwhelming as well. Overwhelming feelings of contentment, gratitude and peace.
They almost balance out.
Yes, I'm looking at ways to make big changes over this next year. Some change is quick, some is gradual and some may never come. Either way, I'll work them and see what the future holds.
For now, I'm realizing that being overwhelmed is a part of my life. Sometimes in a bad way, but at other moments very powerfully good.
Tonight I'm basking in the opportunity to get all my experiences and thoughts out of my head while no one is here. That is overwhelmingly satisfying.
Best get offline to make the moment last. (-:
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Ah Winter - and the story of the 10.5 hour commute
Ah, beautiful! Who wouldn't want to wake up on a sunny Thursday morning...
to bask in the rays of the sun
from the warmth of the house...
while looking out at the beautiful snow covered trees?
It was a beautiful sight to behold, but to stop here would leave off the most important part of the story - how it came to be that I was able to take this picture from my bed late in the morning.
Where shall I begin - long story alert...
The afternoon before (Wednesday, January 26th), the office closed early, and here I am about 3 hours in to my commute a little after 7:00 p.m.:
Realizing all the major routes (395, 95, 495) were closed:
Around 8 p.m. when I thought a UFO was over the stoplight - and I caught the green sky on video:
Me talking again at 8:50 p.m. after some people pushed me up a hill and when I thought I was a mile from GMU (which I wasn't):
Luckily, I had peanut butter cookies:
9:24 p.m. at a strip mall parking lot (no gas station and almost on empty):
Lots of people stuck in a parking lot of all places. It doesn't look like much snow, but whatever it was (snow,ice,slush, rain), it was not cooperating with our cars.
10:46 p.m. - already forgetting what date it was:
Realizing that I should probably show what my view was for about 10.5 hours:
Hand exercises at 11:18 p.m. to stay occupied:
Took a picture to have a break from the video setting:
11:35 p.m. and I'm so over the whole experience:
Don't laugh at that last one - I was going crazy.
Sitting in the same spot - at almost midnight:
Turning off the car - almost out of gas:
Grown man going to the restroom (or not) right in front of us:
I'm not the only one taking pictures and videos along the way:
12:33 in the morning -a glimpse of the university:
So, if you got to this point (which most people probably didn't), you know that there was no way I was going in to work the next day after arriving home around 2 a.m.
But, blessings abound -good samaritans all over the place, I didn't run out of gas (shocking since I had only put $10 in an empty tank the day before) and I got home safely.
Here's to little traffice adventures and traffic inspired sick days....though I actually did work a bit the next day..but, from home and in my bed (which is where I took the pictures from the first part of the post).
to bask in the rays of the sun
from the warmth of the house...
while looking out at the beautiful snow covered trees?
It was a beautiful sight to behold, but to stop here would leave off the most important part of the story - how it came to be that I was able to take this picture from my bed late in the morning.
Where shall I begin - long story alert...
The afternoon before (Wednesday, January 26th), the office closed early, and here I am about 3 hours in to my commute a little after 7:00 p.m.:
Realizing all the major routes (395, 95, 495) were closed:
Around 8 p.m. when I thought a UFO was over the stoplight - and I caught the green sky on video:
Me talking again at 8:50 p.m. after some people pushed me up a hill and when I thought I was a mile from GMU (which I wasn't):
Luckily, I had peanut butter cookies:
9:24 p.m. at a strip mall parking lot (no gas station and almost on empty):
Lots of people stuck in a parking lot of all places. It doesn't look like much snow, but whatever it was (snow,ice,slush, rain), it was not cooperating with our cars.
10:46 p.m. - already forgetting what date it was:
Realizing that I should probably show what my view was for about 10.5 hours:
Hand exercises at 11:18 p.m. to stay occupied:
Took a picture to have a break from the video setting:
11:35 p.m. and I'm so over the whole experience:
Don't laugh at that last one - I was going crazy.
Sitting in the same spot - at almost midnight:
Turning off the car - almost out of gas:
Grown man going to the restroom (or not) right in front of us:
I'm not the only one taking pictures and videos along the way:
12:33 in the morning -a glimpse of the university:
So, if you got to this point (which most people probably didn't), you know that there was no way I was going in to work the next day after arriving home around 2 a.m.
But, blessings abound -good samaritans all over the place, I didn't run out of gas (shocking since I had only put $10 in an empty tank the day before) and I got home safely.
Here's to little traffice adventures and traffic inspired sick days....though I actually did work a bit the next day..but, from home and in my bed (which is where I took the pictures from the first part of the post).
Friday, December 17, 2010
Humbling Experiences
Here's another post from draft mode.
___________
At this time of year, I'm going through a lot of reflection about the past few months. They haven't been the greatest. And, yet the lessons learned are necessary for making 2011 a success.
In the past couple of weeks I've had an unemployed friend cry on my shoulder about feeling useless. I've accompanied another to the store because they were too embarrassed to go alone and use "food stamps" in front of everyone. Another friend shared how she was on the verge of losing her home to foreclosure and she hadn't found a job in six months. Another starts every single day with a slew of phone calls from credit agencies and the calls pile up to a couple hundred a day. In my mind, that is the equivalent to having school yard bullies run up to you every 10 minutes throughout the day calling you names and making you feel stupid.
I've tried to help. I've hugged, I've cried, I've given until I had no more to give. And yet, it often doesn't feel like enough. In some cases, I've taken on their despair, their debt, their embarrassment. Though not fully, I have felt their pain. It becomes my pain.
It is all necessary.
Humbling even.
To feel those feelings. To be there even when it is tiring, draining, and tough.
My empathy has grown and judgemental comments come out of my mouth a lot less.
I'm frugal. I can't take friends out to dinner or contribute like I had before, but I can now make a fairly good stew and am getting creative with the food storage closet.
My gratitude for my congregation has gone up because their help has directly and indirectly helped me. People quietly give more than we know and I know that now.
I am content with fewer possessions and can keep some of my techno gadgets for longer than in the past.
My outfits are getting old, but I'm learning how to accessorize from my closet to give them a fresh look even if to hide a hole or a stain.
I'm re-learning how to write more "thank you" notes and follow up with people faster, even if I've been in non-stop meetings all day and am mentally exhausted at the end of each day. Why? Because I'm re-realizing how important it is to get daily support and love.
None of this is new. But, I'm re-learning things that I've learned in the past in deeper ways. Meaningful ways.
I'm not out of it yet and more importantly, most of my friends aren't out of it yet.
But, they will get through. The friend that was going to lose the house called and said they are giving her time to straighten things out and a great job came along the same week!
Miracles still happen, but sometimes we have to go through humbling experiences along the way.
Some of us are hoping that we can get fully humble so "this too shall pass" and that we'll carry those lessons with us when times look up.
Here's hoping all is well with you.
___________
At this time of year, I'm going through a lot of reflection about the past few months. They haven't been the greatest. And, yet the lessons learned are necessary for making 2011 a success.
In the past couple of weeks I've had an unemployed friend cry on my shoulder about feeling useless. I've accompanied another to the store because they were too embarrassed to go alone and use "food stamps" in front of everyone. Another friend shared how she was on the verge of losing her home to foreclosure and she hadn't found a job in six months. Another starts every single day with a slew of phone calls from credit agencies and the calls pile up to a couple hundred a day. In my mind, that is the equivalent to having school yard bullies run up to you every 10 minutes throughout the day calling you names and making you feel stupid.
I've tried to help. I've hugged, I've cried, I've given until I had no more to give. And yet, it often doesn't feel like enough. In some cases, I've taken on their despair, their debt, their embarrassment. Though not fully, I have felt their pain. It becomes my pain.
It is all necessary.
Humbling even.
To feel those feelings. To be there even when it is tiring, draining, and tough.
My empathy has grown and judgemental comments come out of my mouth a lot less.
I'm frugal. I can't take friends out to dinner or contribute like I had before, but I can now make a fairly good stew and am getting creative with the food storage closet.
My gratitude for my congregation has gone up because their help has directly and indirectly helped me. People quietly give more than we know and I know that now.
I am content with fewer possessions and can keep some of my techno gadgets for longer than in the past.
My outfits are getting old, but I'm learning how to accessorize from my closet to give them a fresh look even if to hide a hole or a stain.
I'm re-learning how to write more "thank you" notes and follow up with people faster, even if I've been in non-stop meetings all day and am mentally exhausted at the end of each day. Why? Because I'm re-realizing how important it is to get daily support and love.
None of this is new. But, I'm re-learning things that I've learned in the past in deeper ways. Meaningful ways.
I'm not out of it yet and more importantly, most of my friends aren't out of it yet.
But, they will get through. The friend that was going to lose the house called and said they are giving her time to straighten things out and a great job came along the same week!
Miracles still happen, but sometimes we have to go through humbling experiences along the way.
Some of us are hoping that we can get fully humble so "this too shall pass" and that we'll carry those lessons with us when times look up.
Here's hoping all is well with you.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Infrastructure and Lipstick
Oops! - This post was written over a month ago and was left in draft mode.
_________________________________________________________
OK, work with me here. I took one of my little walks this morning and amongst all kinds of gratitude for life, the great outdoors, fall beauty and faith filled feelings, I had this thought.
Look at the tree without leaves. Look at the design. The strength of the trunk. The lesser strength of the main branches, limbs and sub-limbs. The very well positioned tiny little twigs that extend past those.
Until recently, when I've taken to looking at the bare trees just as much as the leaves.
The leaves come and ...they go. Every year. They start green and move into beautiful assortments of color throughout the year.
They are the lipstick. Multiple colors. All kinds of brands and quality levels. Easily wiped off.
_________________________________________________________
OK, work with me here. I took one of my little walks this morning and amongst all kinds of gratitude for life, the great outdoors, fall beauty and faith filled feelings, I had this thought.
Look at the tree without leaves. Look at the design. The strength of the trunk. The lesser strength of the main branches, limbs and sub-limbs. The very well positioned tiny little twigs that extend past those.
This is the infrastructure, the foundation, the firmly rooted (literally) system that makes up what we call a tree. It works against gravity to push up toward the sky - day in and day out, week after week, year after year. I don't know what percentage of seeds make it into trees. But, I do know that I live in a forest along with everyone else along the East Coast.
I used to think that these parts of the tree were ugly. Brown, gray, camouflage, white - always fairly basic.
Until recently, when I've taken to looking at the bare trees just as much as the leaves.
The leaves come and ...they go. Every year. They start green and move into beautiful assortments of color throughout the year.
They are the lipstick. Multiple colors. All kinds of brands and quality levels. Easily wiped off.
But, we often look at the lipstick level of our surroundings - people, homes, things - and miss what really makes them strong, firm, and deeply rooted. Forgetting that it is the day by day, week by week, year by year efforts that make us to the core and with all the necessary appendages.
And, yet, as I say this I am partially wrong. The tree needs the leaves and the leaves need the trees. The way the infrastructure of the tree is set up best displays the quality of the leaves. The leaves add a "cloak of loveliness" to the strong and unbending trunk.
Just some fall thoughts...
Monday, November 22, 2010
Pivot People - are you a pivot person?
piv·ot \ˈpi-vÉ™t\ - a noun, adjective or verb
Definitions
We all have these experiences, but do we remember them? do we realize the impact? do we realize how we impact others pivotal moments? Are we ready for them when they occur?
Looking back, I've realized that in every case, I was searching for answers, figuring out some things and trying to live right. Perhaps it is a case of "when the student is ready, the teacher will come." Or, when you are ready to make a change, the pivot person will appear?
In any case, I'm extremely grateful to be reflecting upon these moments and realizing a few golden nuggets of truth along the way:
We are all pivot people, like it or not - just need to make sure that we don't have the negative impact on another in their process of growth.
__________________________________________________________________________
**The rest of this is a long set of personal examples - sorry, but I just had to write it all down and get it out of me. Doing so makes me realize how important each interaction with other human beings is important.**
Here are a few I came up with and I'm sure there are many, many more:
My condo - after graduate school, I made more money. So, I started to realize it might be time to buy a place of my own. I drove around different areas of town and wrote down areas that I liked. I just did this a couple of times and then went out with a realtor one Saturday night. She kept steering me toward a part of town I wasn't interested in and I came home really discouraged and decided to bag the entire thing. Plus, everything in my price range looked junky to me. My roommate Harrison emailed me at work that next Monday. She never emails me at work. She forwarded a condo that had been posted for sale on the singles listserv. She then called me because she felt like this was my condo. I called up the owners and set up a time to come see it that night. This was in 2004, around the "height" of the bidding wars around here. We both went and I knew before walking in that "this was the place." I literally wrote my offer on a piece of notebook paper and signed it. They didn't let anyone come in and bid over. I'm still in this condo now and am grateful that my friend Harrison had the impression and sent it my way.
Do you have any of these pivot people working in your life?
Definitions
- a shaft or pin on which something turns
- a person, thing, or factor having a major or central role, function, or effect b : a key player or position; specifically : an offensive position of a basketball player standing usually with back to the basket to relay passes, shoot, or provide a screen for teammates
- the action of pivoting
________________________________________________________________________________
We all have these experiences, but do we remember them? do we realize the impact? do we realize how we impact others pivotal moments? Are we ready for them when they occur?
Looking back, I've realized that in every case, I was searching for answers, figuring out some things and trying to live right. Perhaps it is a case of "when the student is ready, the teacher will come." Or, when you are ready to make a change, the pivot person will appear?
In any case, I'm extremely grateful to be reflecting upon these moments and realizing a few golden nuggets of truth along the way:
Am I living in a way to realize when pivot people are placed in my life?
Am I living and behaving in such a way that I can be the pivot person for someone else in their moment of need?
__________________________________________________________________________
**The rest of this is a long set of personal examples - sorry, but I just had to write it all down and get it out of me. Doing so makes me realize how important each interaction with other human beings is important.**
Here are a few I came up with and I'm sure there are many, many more:
Resident Assistant - toward the end of my first year of college, some of the girls started asking if I was going to apply to an RA job the next year. I had no idea where that came from, but as soon as they asked me about it, I knew that I was to become an RA. I applied, amongst over 20 other applicants, and ended up being one of the four selected. Others knew it before I knew it.
Moving to DC - ever since my first family vacations (and youth temple trips) to DC, I knew that I wanted to live there. But, over time I forgot the dream. After graduating from college, I took a trip with some friends back east and was re-reminded of my desire to move to the capital. Within one month of the trip, I had packed everything up and moved to Indiana to live with my parents, substitute teach and figure out how to get to DC. I was in Indiana for about eight months and became actively involved in the singles program there. Before spring break, my father handed me a round trip ticket to DC and said he wanted me to do what I initially came to do - go to live and work in DC. I went and through a series of communications I ended up at the church employment office at 4:50 p.m. on a Friday night which ended up being the perfect timing for a pre-screen interview, then an interview and then a job at Ernst & Young LLP. The job made all my future jobs easier to get because EY has a great reputation. I moved to DC within three weeks of this experience.
My condo - after graduate school, I made more money. So, I started to realize it might be time to buy a place of my own. I drove around different areas of town and wrote down areas that I liked. I just did this a couple of times and then went out with a realtor one Saturday night. She kept steering me toward a part of town I wasn't interested in and I came home really discouraged and decided to bag the entire thing. Plus, everything in my price range looked junky to me. My roommate Harrison emailed me at work that next Monday. She never emails me at work. She forwarded a condo that had been posted for sale on the singles listserv. She then called me because she felt like this was my condo. I called up the owners and set up a time to come see it that night. This was in 2004, around the "height" of the bidding wars around here. We both went and I knew before walking in that "this was the place." I literally wrote my offer on a piece of notebook paper and signed it. They didn't let anyone come in and bid over. I'm still in this condo now and am grateful that my friend Harrison had the impression and sent it my way.
Do you have any of these pivot people working in your life?
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Pammy Girl - Clarence has a message for you
Once in a while, a friend posts a remark on my blog that makes me realize I've got some reminding to do.
Reminding someone of their meaning in my life.
Ms. Pammy Girl made such a remark today. And so, Pammy Girl, this post is for you. Consider it your very own message from Clarence (Angel Second Class - It's a Wonderful Life).
One of these girls was Pammy Girl. A girl already there was me, Rebecker.
I don't recollect much about that day, except that we had great food, checked out the artisans crafts, and had a generally good time. Somehow we had good conversation because she automatically became a fixture in my DC life in "Provo East."
The great thing about Pammy Girl is that she likes adventure (but not like a dare devil), thinks about how to make the best possible experience, and wants to have real conversation along the way.
Yes, real conversation. We laugh, we cry, we just sit and look ahead. And, it is all A-OK.
Oh, Pammy Girl, there are a lot of memories.
Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we?
We traveled together to Kings Dominion for roller coasters and splashdown rides.
If only to watch ugly pigeon's land on your head.
Good times and good conversations.
Even in tough times.
But, we continue to make it through, aye?
I still remember when they gave me that institute responsibility. How did you get involved? Did you just volunteer and get started? It was amazing. We went from a small group to a huge program almost overnight (from a lot of prayers of those that lead before us), but you were a huge part of that success.
You took on the marketing efforts and using your graphic design skills to help make even the little things important - class signage, fliers, other communications, etc. You made it more than it was and were always there to help and support. You were a huge part of helping others make friends and want to participate.
The walks and talks about life, men, church, relationships, work, and travel - all are a part of me now.
.JPG)
Pammy Girl, this post doesn't do justice to the part you've played in my life. You've been a great friend, even during times where we haven't talked for even a year! You thoughtfully share feelings and concerns and are willing to go through the tough stuff with people. You've toughed out your own tough stuff and have accomplished amazing things (you Johns Hopkins grad you!).
You've made a difference in my life, more so than I have in yours.
Often you've shared wonderful cards with messages that have made my day, my week or my heart just weep or be grateful. One Christmas card held what has become a favorite poem of mine, which is on one of my blogs - An Extra-ordinary Night.
Here's another favorite - just for you at this time:
"You are the piece to the puzzle of someone elses life. You may never know where you fit, but others will fill the holes in their lives with pieces of you."
Pammy Girl, you are one of those pieces in my life. I'm grateful for your friendship, your good heart, your love of adventure, and your persistence in the race of life. You are the piece of MANY other lives as well.
Never forget it.
Speaking of races....
Go! Fight! Win! ...that triathlon you've gotten all in shape for! We are cheering for you ...and hope you enjoy your trek to Burley, Idaho!
Thank you for your friendship Pammy Girl!
Reminding someone of their meaning in my life.
Ms. Pammy Girl made such a remark today. And so, Pammy Girl, this post is for you. Consider it your very own message from Clarence (Angel Second Class - It's a Wonderful Life).
A long time ago in a town called DC, some friends met up for a late morning breakfast at the famed Eastern Market. One friend invited another and yet another, all emerging from the metro depths.
One of these girls was Pammy Girl. A girl already there was me, Rebecker.
I don't recollect much about that day, except that we had great food, checked out the artisans crafts, and had a generally good time. Somehow we had good conversation because she automatically became a fixture in my DC life in "Provo East."
The great thing about Pammy Girl is that she likes adventure (but not like a dare devil), thinks about how to make the best possible experience, and wants to have real conversation along the way.
Yes, real conversation. We laugh, we cry, we just sit and look ahead. And, it is all A-OK.
Oh, Pammy Girl, there are a lot of memories.
Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we?
We traveled together to Kings Dominion for roller coasters and splashdown rides.
And, even wore matching shirts once in a while - by chance and not on purpose.
You probably are the person that got us all into kayaking on the Potomac River at Jack's Boathouse, which is something that I introduced to all of my brother's when they came to visit for the first time.
You convinced me to go for a long weekend to England. Yes, a long weekend. You found places to eat, stay, and visit. I just showed up. Now I look back and wonder why on earth we traveled across the ocean for a long weekend (OK, maybe four days).
It was fun, despite the English version of a BLT sandwich (yuck, it was like raw Spam). Despite your love for England, it never rubbed off on me, but I'm grateful for the experience.
If only to watch ugly pigeon's land on your head.
You love Hawaii! I love Hawaii, but you made sure that I actually went to visit. I hadn't been since I was a little girl. I've been to the Bahamas and thought it was a beautiful and relaxing retreat, but it didn't do the same thing to my heart as Hawaii.
Sure, we did all the typical tourist stuff on Oahu - Polynesian Center, climbing Diamond Head, swimming in Waimea and that one snorkeling spot where half of the world decided to enter the coral infested waters all at once. But, it was the other moments that were most memorable.
You know, like hunting around "Fu Lion" to find tofu for our friend to cook us dinner. What was his name? Sun Tao?
Or, when you were a good sport and slept in our car near the beach when we couldn't find a hotel. It was uncomfortable and ...illegal. I don't think you liked how I said it "would be a funny story in a few years," but we both laugh now....I think.
Or, what about that seat on the side of the road that we just had to pull over for to be authentic?
Good times and good conversations.
Even in tough times.
But, we continue to make it through, aye?
I still remember when they gave me that institute responsibility. How did you get involved? Did you just volunteer and get started? It was amazing. We went from a small group to a huge program almost overnight (from a lot of prayers of those that lead before us), but you were a huge part of that success.
You took on the marketing efforts and using your graphic design skills to help make even the little things important - class signage, fliers, other communications, etc. You made it more than it was and were always there to help and support. You were a huge part of helping others make friends and want to participate.
The walks and talks about life, men, church, relationships, work, and travel - all are a part of me now.
(This is kind of cheesy as I look at it now - ha)
I can't think of the Race for the Cure without thinking that Pammy Girl needs to be there. Not just there for the fun, but to point out the famous people. Because, you know your famous people.
(Coach of the Utah Jazz?)
Pammy Girl, you were there to help Ann at her wedding. Who else could have taken on the task of doing a bride's make-up?
Or, ensuring the dress looks beautiful for the bride while also managing to take some great photographs? Multi-talented and multi-caring Pammy Girl.
And, smiling and hoping for a chance to hold special flowers.
And, ensuring a bride had just the right outfit to wear on her special day.
.JPG)
Through the pains of life, you've still reached out to others - even for the mundane things like helping a middle aged woman experience her first pedicure/manicure. And, sharing why it makes a difference for a woman to have nice looking feet. (OK, don't look. I know you are a "feet person" and mine are distorted.)
Or, the importance of checking out local demolition derby's every five or ten years - and win a prize and share it with one of the local hicks.
Pammy Girl, this post doesn't do justice to the part you've played in my life. You've been a great friend, even during times where we haven't talked for even a year! You thoughtfully share feelings and concerns and are willing to go through the tough stuff with people. You've toughed out your own tough stuff and have accomplished amazing things (you Johns Hopkins grad you!).
You've made a difference in my life, more so than I have in yours.
Often you've shared wonderful cards with messages that have made my day, my week or my heart just weep or be grateful. One Christmas card held what has become a favorite poem of mine, which is on one of my blogs - An Extra-ordinary Night.
Here's another favorite - just for you at this time:
"You are the piece to the puzzle of someone elses life. You may never know where you fit, but others will fill the holes in their lives with pieces of you."
Pammy Girl, you are one of those pieces in my life. I'm grateful for your friendship, your good heart, your love of adventure, and your persistence in the race of life. You are the piece of MANY other lives as well.
Never forget it.
Speaking of races....
Go! Fight! Win! ...that triathlon you've gotten all in shape for! We are cheering for you ...and hope you enjoy your trek to Burley, Idaho!
Thank you for your friendship Pammy Girl!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Quiet
I'll admit to being a little quiet lately on the RebeckerOnline front. I have a lot going on inside and outside of my head. It's like I'm going through a big huge reflective period of life while de-toxing from the extremely stressful last few work years.
I see why it is difficult to take these reflective moments on because it forces dealing with reality.
What am I going to do the rest of my life? Will I have a family? Have I spent my time wisely? Do I help the right people? What was I supposed to do with this time and did I do it? Am I comparing myself to myself or to other people and their seemingly perfect lives? Why am I not rich yet? Should I become an entrepreneur sooner rather than later? Why do I relapse and eat entire (large) bags of peanut M&Ms just because they are sitting there? Oh, wait, why did I feel the need to save 4 cents an ounce and buy the big bag when I know full well I'm a peanut M&M -oholic? Who are these people on Facebook that go to the mall everyday shopping? And, why do they have the need to share? Should I be selling that book on Amazon or keep it to share with a friend? Why can't I talk to my friends sometimes? Why can I become such a hermit when I need to deal with issues? When did I start liking tv so much? Why do I work in a cube farm? Is the world going to end in 2012 or is the history channel creating spin like all the other news channels? How can I be of better service to others and at the same time just plain get away from people? Why do I want to get away from people, especially since I'm a person? Why can't I write like Seth Godin and be a good "Linchpin?" Why does he have thousands of followers of his blog? Do I want that? I don't know.
Why does my life never go the way I planned?
The what, where, why and how questions are rarely helpful to me. But, once in a while I do ask the questions.
Regardless, I'm grateful for those quiet friends. Those that I can go back to after not talking for three months, a year, five years or whatever. I'm grateful for those that continually try even if I'm not mentally ready. Even if I'm fighting battles in my head alone. I'm grateful for random family visits (which I've had over the last few weeks) where I have real conversations with people that must be part of my life even if they didn't choose it. And, part of me knows that they would have chosen to be friends even if we weren't family. I'm grateful for past co-workers that invite me to their lake house for a few hours and I drive back feeling like I experienced a week long vacation.
Right now I need to quietly deal with a few things, but I'm anxious for the next phase.
A beautiful little quote to remember:
"You can fly, but let go of that cocoon of yours."
Ah, but its still a little safer in here...
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Olympic opener Reflections - Torches, Dreams and Missing Man
This Olympic Ceremony will most likely stick in my mind longer than most.
Sure, there were great reporters, athletes and panoramic visions of Canada the beautiful. Sure, there were cheery people from all over the world and smiling athletes expecting that large gold coin.
This was no Beijing, aye? Sore-ey. I just had to add that.
It wasn't supposed to be and who can compete with a country of billions that spent billions to wow us with a dramatic display of precision.
The Canadian opener wasn't about precision and wasn't about big money. Or, at least it didn't appear to be so.
I thought it was artfully presented - simple, beautiful and thought provoking. Take a look at some shots from NBC - http://www.nbcolympics.com/ceremonies/index.html - throughout the coming weeks.
I also found this great link with little clips from the ceremony - http://www.mahalo.com/2010-olympics-opening-ceremony. I loved the whale portion where they utilized the 3D technology that is so "in" vogue right now.
The Olympics started out with one missing this year.
Nodar Kumaritashvili, a Georgian luge slider, died during practice. It was shocking to see the video and realize that all of my personal fears surrounding the luge were realized. It happened so quickly and there was a wrench in my heart watching someone pass on from this world.
The moment of silence for him during the ceremony wasn't quite enough. Sometimes I think those moments should be two minutes. At the end of the first minute your mind finally starts to reflect and at that point appreciation for life kicks in and it would be nice to think about that a little longer.
In a strange way, I am grateful that the fourth leg of the cauldron didn't go up during the torch lighting ceremony. It created another moment of silence. In some ways it resembled the missing man format ritual performed to honor the fallen comrade (air man).
It ended up, for me, being a reminder that not everyone that came prepared would perform. And, that regardless of talents and preparation, life can leave us at any time.
So for me, this Olympics starts with some reflection, appreciation for life and ...with some pretty cool dreams of me performing amazing feats on my virtual snowboard.
Let the games begin! - and end with life for all!
Sure, there were great reporters, athletes and panoramic visions of Canada the beautiful. Sure, there were cheery people from all over the world and smiling athletes expecting that large gold coin.
This was no Beijing, aye? Sore-ey. I just had to add that.
It wasn't supposed to be and who can compete with a country of billions that spent billions to wow us with a dramatic display of precision.
The Canadian opener wasn't about precision and wasn't about big money. Or, at least it didn't appear to be so.
I thought it was artfully presented - simple, beautiful and thought provoking. Take a look at some shots from NBC - http://www.nbcolympics.com/ceremonies/index.html - throughout the coming weeks.
I also found this great link with little clips from the ceremony - http://www.mahalo.com/2010-olympics-opening-ceremony. I loved the whale portion where they utilized the 3D technology that is so "in" vogue right now.
The Olympics started out with one missing this year.
Nodar Kumaritashvili, a Georgian luge slider, died during practice. It was shocking to see the video and realize that all of my personal fears surrounding the luge were realized. It happened so quickly and there was a wrench in my heart watching someone pass on from this world.
The moment of silence for him during the ceremony wasn't quite enough. Sometimes I think those moments should be two minutes. At the end of the first minute your mind finally starts to reflect and at that point appreciation for life kicks in and it would be nice to think about that a little longer.
In a strange way, I am grateful that the fourth leg of the cauldron didn't go up during the torch lighting ceremony. It created another moment of silence. In some ways it resembled the missing man format ritual performed to honor the fallen comrade (air man).
It ended up, for me, being a reminder that not everyone that came prepared would perform. And, that regardless of talents and preparation, life can leave us at any time.
So for me, this Olympics starts with some reflection, appreciation for life and ...with some pretty cool dreams of me performing amazing feats on my virtual snowboard.
Let the games begin! - and end with life for all!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Silver Linings - or not so much
They say that clouds have silver linings. Well, at least that is what they say when bad stuff happens and you are expected to find the good in it.
I think that sometimes the silver is tinted a dull gray, but perhaps I need to get into a better mindset.
Today I'd say is a dull gray with a glimpse of silver tint on the other edge of wherever I'm located. How is that for trying to be positive?
Actually, I'm not as down and out as I'm portraying myself.
The real title of this post should probably be - "Condos, FICO, stocks, and too high fillings." But, that doesn't sound too interesting.
Right now I'm at home trying to figure out if the soft ceiling above my master bath is my problem or that of the person upstairs. This is when I wish I was renting. I would just call it in, get to work, and someone would appear and repair and I would have no bill. But, alas, now I get to deal with neighbor (which is fine), condo association and a leak that most likely isn't mine. Of course, this turns into a feeling of why do I have a $300,000 mortgage for a little two bedroom, two bath house anyway? And, why is there wind coming through the window when I have thick blinds and curtains and do the people really need to vacuum the hallways right exactly when I start my conference calls?
See, one little crack in the ceiling creates all these emotions.
And, here we have a FICO score coming in around the mid-600s when I am one of those people that always has a high score and creditors love me. Somehow I was double billed on an X-ray a year ago and one bill was sent to a collection agency. I won't say how much, but most of my creditors have lowered my accessible credit by thousands of dollars citing my bad credit. The neglectful radiology center says "we apologize and we are sending a note to the three credit bureaus to correct the situation." Um, thanks? So, I'm out of thousands of dollars of emergency credit AND have a low credit score because of your mistake? I'll pretend to not be mad.
Oh, and not to blame anyone in my cube farm, but a dear co-worker had a candy bowl out the last few months that I walked by and ate from in times of stress. My lack of self-control caused a couple of cavities, not just from the candy, but also because I've started clenching my mouth in times of stress and it has broken down the sturdiness of some of my teeth. A few days ago I got two taken care of after multiple shots of numbing medicine. Second day, not so lucky. Multiple tries and their efforts still caused sharp pains to rip through my gums. So, off to work I went with a sideways mouth and raging headache. To top it all off, I'm not really someone who likes candy. I just ate it because it was there and to quench possible bad breath.
On top of this, the dentist hasn't quite filed down one of the fillings to the original tooth's shape. So, as we all know, little changes in teeth, gums or tongue feel like huge boulders or disturbances even if something on them is ever so slightly off.
Did I mention I still have a headache? It must be all these Arctic weather fronts moving through our area?
Stocks I just threw in because the news talks about how much they went up last year, but that is only a gain if you bought all of your stock last year. Goodness, all the dollar cost averaging in the past means that all the gains last year just put my portfolio where it was at in 2006. I should be happy why?
I'm already a sign of bad luck this week.
Or, am I?
Here's the silver part:
1 - Got to go into work late two days in a row and so I actually saw the sunshine those two days.
2 - Today I'm at home working (except for this 10 minute break) while I get this plumbing issue straightened out. I'll probably get ten times more completed outside of the cube farm.
3 - My credit score should only go up from here.
4 - I have a job.
5 - If I need to, I can go lay down and take a nap to get rid of this headache.
6 - My neighbors are wonderful.
7 - I'm not in foreclosure.
8 - I ate pancakes for breakfast.
9 - My bathroom is now clean, because you always have to clean when you know people are coming over to fix something in your house.
And, the 10th of the 10 ten reasons this messed up week has silver linings is:
10 - You are either happy that I have a life like yours or happy that you don't.
Which reminds me of a quote - "The only good thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others."
Have a joyous day!
I think that sometimes the silver is tinted a dull gray, but perhaps I need to get into a better mindset.
Today I'd say is a dull gray with a glimpse of silver tint on the other edge of wherever I'm located. How is that for trying to be positive?
Actually, I'm not as down and out as I'm portraying myself.
The real title of this post should probably be - "Condos, FICO, stocks, and too high fillings." But, that doesn't sound too interesting.
Right now I'm at home trying to figure out if the soft ceiling above my master bath is my problem or that of the person upstairs. This is when I wish I was renting. I would just call it in, get to work, and someone would appear and repair and I would have no bill. But, alas, now I get to deal with neighbor (which is fine), condo association and a leak that most likely isn't mine. Of course, this turns into a feeling of why do I have a $300,000 mortgage for a little two bedroom, two bath house anyway? And, why is there wind coming through the window when I have thick blinds and curtains and do the people really need to vacuum the hallways right exactly when I start my conference calls?
See, one little crack in the ceiling creates all these emotions.
And, here we have a FICO score coming in around the mid-600s when I am one of those people that always has a high score and creditors love me. Somehow I was double billed on an X-ray a year ago and one bill was sent to a collection agency. I won't say how much, but most of my creditors have lowered my accessible credit by thousands of dollars citing my bad credit. The neglectful radiology center says "we apologize and we are sending a note to the three credit bureaus to correct the situation." Um, thanks? So, I'm out of thousands of dollars of emergency credit AND have a low credit score because of your mistake? I'll pretend to not be mad.
Oh, and not to blame anyone in my cube farm, but a dear co-worker had a candy bowl out the last few months that I walked by and ate from in times of stress. My lack of self-control caused a couple of cavities, not just from the candy, but also because I've started clenching my mouth in times of stress and it has broken down the sturdiness of some of my teeth. A few days ago I got two taken care of after multiple shots of numbing medicine. Second day, not so lucky. Multiple tries and their efforts still caused sharp pains to rip through my gums. So, off to work I went with a sideways mouth and raging headache. To top it all off, I'm not really someone who likes candy. I just ate it because it was there and to quench possible bad breath.
On top of this, the dentist hasn't quite filed down one of the fillings to the original tooth's shape. So, as we all know, little changes in teeth, gums or tongue feel like huge boulders or disturbances even if something on them is ever so slightly off.
Did I mention I still have a headache? It must be all these Arctic weather fronts moving through our area?
Stocks I just threw in because the news talks about how much they went up last year, but that is only a gain if you bought all of your stock last year. Goodness, all the dollar cost averaging in the past means that all the gains last year just put my portfolio where it was at in 2006. I should be happy why?
I'm already a sign of bad luck this week.
Or, am I?
Here's the silver part:
1 - Got to go into work late two days in a row and so I actually saw the sunshine those two days.
2 - Today I'm at home working (except for this 10 minute break) while I get this plumbing issue straightened out. I'll probably get ten times more completed outside of the cube farm.
3 - My credit score should only go up from here.
4 - I have a job.
5 - If I need to, I can go lay down and take a nap to get rid of this headache.
6 - My neighbors are wonderful.
7 - I'm not in foreclosure.
8 - I ate pancakes for breakfast.
9 - My bathroom is now clean, because you always have to clean when you know people are coming over to fix something in your house.
And, the 10th of the 10 ten reasons this messed up week has silver linings is:
10 - You are either happy that I have a life like yours or happy that you don't.
Which reminds me of a quote - "The only good thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others."
Have a joyous day!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Freezing Rain and ...Deja Vu Gratitude
Last night I worked late and drove home in the dark. Ok, let's face it, at this time of year I'm always driving home in the dark with the early sunset.
I took the back way and halfway home it started to rain and then the rain turned to ice and the ice turned to small ice pellets. Yes, there is a difference.
At a certain point in the road, I had Deja Vu gratitude.
Last year around this time I had worked late and was driving home that way. I didn't think I was speeding, but it was fast enough to require gradual peddle maneuvering if I needed to stop. I had just gained a lot of momentum after climbing a small incline and suddenly in front of me (about 50 yards) I saw two vehicles blocking both lanes. At about the same moment, I realized that the 50 yards was 1.) a bridge/overpass and 2.) it was black ice.
I lived in Michigan during my teenage years and so I've driven in many an icy situation. However, an overpass, black ice, two cars blocking the road and 60 mph isn't a good combination.
I used the proper braking maneuvers, but in five seconds the possibilities of head on collision, car jumping the bridge railing and the possibility of rear end crashing were all going through my head. My car didn't feel like it was slowing down and I could see the guy watching me come directly toward him. In these moments of real life and death, I actually don't panic. My mind becomes unusually logical and calm. Every methodical step runs through my mind.
So, what happened?
My car slid to a stop about 3-4 feet in front of the vehicle in my lane, directly in front of the front passenger door of the guy hoping his life would go on. I calmly looked in my back mirror, and by sheer miracle, the closest car was about 50 feet away and moving very slowly. I saw an opening as wide as my car between the two cars blocking the road and veered through it. An opening that hadn't been there moments before. I kept driving watching the two cars back off on to the grass, get their bearings and prepare to drive homeward.
Two minutes later my body shook and the sheer terror of what could have happened entered my brain. See, I was bragging above about my ability to remain calm under pressure. However, the moment the pressure is gone all of the reality sinks in and my body loses complete control to the point of my hands and feet shaking. If I think about it, I'm probably in more danger after the real danger.
Regardless, I remembered this experience last night. I had lived another year. I had been spared yet again from the little moments that have taken others lives.
Hopefully I'll continue to make it through yet another day. I'd like to.
But, I'm grateful for Deja Vu gratitude because sometimes we need that to appreciate life a little more.
I took the back way and halfway home it started to rain and then the rain turned to ice and the ice turned to small ice pellets. Yes, there is a difference.
At a certain point in the road, I had Deja Vu gratitude.
Last year around this time I had worked late and was driving home that way. I didn't think I was speeding, but it was fast enough to require gradual peddle maneuvering if I needed to stop. I had just gained a lot of momentum after climbing a small incline and suddenly in front of me (about 50 yards) I saw two vehicles blocking both lanes. At about the same moment, I realized that the 50 yards was 1.) a bridge/overpass and 2.) it was black ice.
I lived in Michigan during my teenage years and so I've driven in many an icy situation. However, an overpass, black ice, two cars blocking the road and 60 mph isn't a good combination.
I used the proper braking maneuvers, but in five seconds the possibilities of head on collision, car jumping the bridge railing and the possibility of rear end crashing were all going through my head. My car didn't feel like it was slowing down and I could see the guy watching me come directly toward him. In these moments of real life and death, I actually don't panic. My mind becomes unusually logical and calm. Every methodical step runs through my mind.
So, what happened?
My car slid to a stop about 3-4 feet in front of the vehicle in my lane, directly in front of the front passenger door of the guy hoping his life would go on. I calmly looked in my back mirror, and by sheer miracle, the closest car was about 50 feet away and moving very slowly. I saw an opening as wide as my car between the two cars blocking the road and veered through it. An opening that hadn't been there moments before. I kept driving watching the two cars back off on to the grass, get their bearings and prepare to drive homeward.
Two minutes later my body shook and the sheer terror of what could have happened entered my brain. See, I was bragging above about my ability to remain calm under pressure. However, the moment the pressure is gone all of the reality sinks in and my body loses complete control to the point of my hands and feet shaking. If I think about it, I'm probably in more danger after the real danger.
Regardless, I remembered this experience last night. I had lived another year. I had been spared yet again from the little moments that have taken others lives.
Hopefully I'll continue to make it through yet another day. I'd like to.
But, I'm grateful for Deja Vu gratitude because sometimes we need that to appreciate life a little more.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Gratitude Walk
This morning I took a gratitude walk. I listened to scriptures on the iPhone and thought about my blessings. I've done this before and it is nice to have that periodic quiet moment to reflect. The fog kind of added to the ambiance of the scene.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!
Happy Thanksgiving to all!
Friday, September 11, 2009
911
Not sure what else to add - http://rebeckeronline.blogspot.com/2008/09/911.html
Except, continual gratitude for life and freedom.
Except, continual gratitude for life and freedom.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Gettysburg and Amish Country
This first picture is actually from 1978 - my Dad took it on a family trip we went on a loooong time ago. I took a similar picture this time, but figured I'd post the older picture. I didn't want to act like a gawking tourist, but wish I had been able to get some nice pictures of the cute kids waving to us from the back of the carriages. The best picture not taken was that of a girl in her Amish dress, drinking from a water bottle while roller blading up the free way. Classic! I will return and find her. That photo would make it into National Geographic...I'm sure of it.
Anyway, this weekend we took a little drive because we needed a break. Or, I needed a break. My intent was to visit Gettysburg, but we also drove through Amish country in Lancaster County. It's only about 20 miles from Gettysburg and so it's not a far shot.
Let's just say that it was kind of sad going to Gettysburg this time. It looks like the government funding has been removed. The grass is high everywhere instead of nicely mowed lawns. The visitor center is permanently removed and there is grass growing on the spot where the red brick building once stood. The visitors weren't as plentiful as usual and it's even that time of year where there should be crowds.
It was sad to see such an important site so unkempt. Still, it was good to walk around the grounds, climb the look out tower, drive through Little Bighorn
, and survey the Pickett's charge infantry assault area.
This place always instills a sense of gratitude in me and I have to ask myself - "What am I doing for my country?"
Anyway, this weekend we took a little drive because we needed a break. Or, I needed a break. My intent was to visit Gettysburg, but we also drove through Amish country in Lancaster County. It's only about 20 miles from Gettysburg and so it's not a far shot.
Let's just say that it was kind of sad going to Gettysburg this time. It looks like the government funding has been removed. The grass is high everywhere instead of nicely mowed lawns. The visitor center is permanently removed and there is grass growing on the spot where the red brick building once stood. The visitors weren't as plentiful as usual and it's even that time of year where there should be crowds.
It was sad to see such an important site so unkempt. Still, it was good to walk around the grounds, climb the look out tower, drive through Little Bighorn
, and survey the Pickett's charge infantry assault area.This place always instills a sense of gratitude in me and I have to ask myself - "What am I doing for my country?"
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