Slacker isn't a good word

Slacker isn't a good word for why I haven't been on this blog. I'm always busy and so that isn't an excuse. But, I've honestly forgotten about it. Trying to work full-time and be a part-time entrepreneur has left little room for some things...if only because the task doesn't come to the forefront of my mind.

So, what have I been doing while off this blog. Hmmm. Perhaps a couple of bullets will do:

• Dealing with furlough - yep, I've been furloughed. So, I have 11 fewer days of pay and ....in theory there are 11 fewer days of work. Except that isn't how it has gone. It has wreaked a bit of havoc on the job. We produce a lot of products and so all the schedules are all out of sync and it is creating more work.
• Taking my body back - lots of things have happened this year with health - stress, losses, scares, etc. This summer I've been diligent at swimming my laps at least twice a week and that has been wonderful amongst all the stress.
• Entrepreneurship - I've always wanted to be one, but with full-time work it is very difficult, But, http://www.nudgevillage.com is my website and I've got a few free courses on other sites that have over 500 students taking them! Pretty cool. I've paid a few coaches to teach me a few marketing principles and am finding that I know a lot about marketing. Just need to focus on what my product is, but ....hard to think on things when so much else going on.
• Moving on - time for a change. I've lived in the same place for almost 10 years and in the same area of the country for over 15 years! We'll see what happens. Maybe just a move to a different place. Who knows. Will keep you posted!
• Work - did I reference this above? Yes. It's been quite the year at work. I'm actually the "right hand woman" to a Dean that is setting up a new college in our organization. It is millions of dollars in projects and I get the joy of managing them. There have been many struggles along the way, but in the end I will be a more talented and marketable person, right? Seriously though - major lessons in leadership, management, culture, change, treating people well, risk, etc.
• Most importantly - the family - I'm trying to make time to see family amongst it all because the years are flying by. A few trips across country and even nearby. Family and friends are what it is all about, right? I'm putting my money where my mouth is and taking that time.

So, there it is - a bulleted list of what I should expound upon a bit more and with specific lessons learned and sharing. It does lack a bit of heart, but starting back into this Blogger space slowly.

Now, time to go read your blogs! It's been a while!

Irony, Time and New Year

Today I'm home sick. Nothing to pass on to someone else. I think I had a reaction to a medicine. But, who knows really. It could have been that bad orange juice coming out of Brazil that was on the news this morning. Time will tell.

The good thing about feeling sick is that I'm home and only partially working. It is wonderful that you can be a completely competent conference call participant while laying on the bed feeling like a zombie. As long as you say "yes" at the appropriate places, ask a question or two and respond with a follow-up email, all is well in the world of work. Lucky for me I have over 300 sick hours that are just sitting there for times like these...which I hope will be rare.

Another good thing about being sick is the time it provides me to think! Really think. Answer the big questions -what am I doing with my life? Why am I doing it? Should I be doing it? What do I value most? ...and the list of questions go on.

I'm wanting something different for 2012 and beyond. I want time to see friends, time to share insight into health, religion, money, art, and exercise. I want to really get my business off the ground and not let the day job overtake everything. I want a family above all else. I want to travel beyond all the day trips I'm taking. I want to be out of debt and invested in the right things. Perhaps I'll sell my house. Perhaps not. Either way, it is time to move beyond these small walls into something that allows room for growth and creativity.

There is one fact of life that I'm sure of - it never goes as I plan. That is OK because it has turned out fine. But, that doesn't mean the anticipation is easy. I've had a session or two of tears when I realize that I'm way off course in some areas and feel like some opportunities passed me by that others take for granted. Yet, I've gotten to have experiences that others may never know.

Gratitude comes back when I remember these things.

So, today is rather ironic. I'm going to take a meal to a young woman that is giving birth to twins. Right after calling her, I called my own doctor to find out what I should do about my reaction to my medicine. Medicine that is supposedly helping my body get healthy so I can have kids. One person is on bed rest and I'm just laying on my bed for an unknown reason.

Ah well. All in good time they say while also hinting that time is of the essence.

For now, it is a new year and time to make the most of it.

Cheers!

RebeckerX90

You've seen it on the infomercials and you've had friends that have lost TONS of weight on it. I've been tempted to buy it. It is the extreme mix it up exercise program that comes with all the typical DVDs, stretch bands, special diet recipes, etc.

Know what I'm talking about? P90X sound familiar?


Well, I'm doing my own. It is called the "RebeckerX90." It costs no money, but it takes the general principles of P90X (from what I gather while on my treadmill seeing the infomercials) and is tailored to me - my day, my mood and my life.

The RebeckerX90 is basically my plan for me and I'm putting it for all the world (at least the three people who read this blog) to see so that I continue:
- Lose 30 pounds in 90 days.
- Walk every day - sometimes twice
- Weights - 3x a week
- Swim Laps - 3x a week
- Yoga - 1x a week
- Dance - 5x a week - this means just dance for five minutes each day to a favorite song. Ok, so perhaps this goal will turn into a half an hour of Zumba.
- Bike - 2x weekly - once I fill up my bike tires
- Stretch - 5x weekly - yes, I'm counting this on here because it makes me feel good.
- Hula - 1x weekly - from a video I have in my front closet. It's all in the knees.

RebeckerX90, like PX90, means mixing up the different workouts and sports. However, unlike PX90, I'm not being extreme. I'm just going to do it regularly.

I've already been following most of this the past few weeks and have lost over 10 pounds. I need to lose another 40! So, this has already past the habit point.

About my diet? Well, not going to change that too much either. I bought V8 juice for the first time in years the other day, does that help?

P.S. Did you see my "to do" list above? I did pretty well last week, didn't I? My bike tire is still flat and so I couldn't ride it and Saturday I had to clean the church and accompany someone and so I couldn't swim. Plus, doesn't the entire world go swimming on Saturday? I have no interest in swimming with the world.

$211.22

So, it finally happened. The last of 6-7 doctors bills came through...hopefully.

Of course, there continue to be surprises after I think I'm long past owing anything. In fact, I'm so sure that they are wrong in sending these bills that I've been waiting until it actually turns into a collection agency request before acting on it. And, it always does end up doing so.

One of my friends said this wouldn't happen - that is, medical bills going to collection agencies. However, that is now not the case.

A few months ago I had two collection agencies after me for two different bills that were both something like $226.01. What are the odds that I would have two bills at that amount? Statistically, that would not be very likely. I'm not sure where on the chi square it would occur, but it would be the part of "least likely." Can you tell my statistical skills have dwindled from the measly to almost non-existent?

Anyway, I will pay this bill tomorrow because I, of course, am not independently wealthy and need to maintain a credit score for future cars, homes, and electronics.

Not to be too personal, but I've added up the numbers and I've spent about $4,000 on health care over the last year! This is $4,000 that I didn't have (i.e. 401k tanking, stock market crash, depression, er, recession).

"You must have a bad healthcare plan," they say.

Alas, I supposedly am a civil servant with a great medical plan. The surprise is that I had better coverage when I worked for a small contracting company a few years ago. At least back then I could have money taken out of the pay check, and make a $10 co-pay and it would be done.

Not in 2009. Now I get bills for weeks after and they are in the amounts of $10, $100, $200 and $211.22. This isn't counting the $500 I had to shell out at the front desk while preparing to get multiple MRIs.

All of this makes me incredibly grateful that I have any coverage at all, but makes me incredibly sad that people that have lived with their finances in order can be completely set back for life from one bad medical experience without proper coverage.

Guess I shouldn't complain. Some of you have rehearsed your financial woes on your blogs as well. These little things make it seem like one can never get ahead no matter what kind of best laid plans are made, but at the same time maybe it forces us (us being me really) to focus on the important stuff and not on the rat race stuff (money, power, prestige, getting ahead, etc.).

Either way, the check is in the mail and perhaps I should do something more meaningful than working 50-60 hour weeks and writing blog entries about money I owe.

Cancer and a prayer for Holly

Though I'm at work, I'm having a hard time concentrating and figured I should take a few minutes to write down some thoughts.

Last night we went out to eat with a good friend that has just found out she has pancreatic cancer (terminal) and lymphoma (which there are solutions to nowadays). I've talked to her a few times on the phone recently, but this is the first time I had seen her since a hospital visit last winter.

She didn't look well. We went to a Peruvian hole in the wall for dinner. Every few months we go out to these types of places to eat with her, but life has gotten busy and it's taken months to meet back up again.

We talked about how she was feeling and are usual topics -politics, church, her work, our work, etc.

Her non-emotional personality made it kind of hard to gage how she felt about everything. It makes it difficult to ask the right questions as well. At one point I had to ask if she wanted to talk about her illnesses or something else because I wasn't sure what direction to go.

Out of the blue, halfway through the meal, she stated simply that she had 5-8 months to live. She kept talking after making the statement and we just sat still listening while allowing a tear or two to fall unattended down the cheek.

What do you say to something like that?

"Don't say that - you will be ok"

"We will pray for you"

"What can we do to help?"

It is so hard to sit across the table from someone who looks sick and part of them already seems to have moved on from this life. That sounds bad to say, but it was an overwhelming feeling and with the feeling came no words that could help in any way.

These experiences always put life in perspective. What would I do if I knew I only had 5-8 months to live? Of course, life could end any minute, but knowing that your body literally won't sustain you through another year would be an opportunity and a painful experience all at the same time.

My Aunt Anne died this year and she had been told she had one year to live last year. She was having heart problems and knowing that fact, it still came as a shock. She wrote a little autobiography during that time. I'm currently formatting it for a book combined with photos that we can find of her throughout the years. She used her time wisely, not just in writing her autobiography, but in spending the time with people she loved.

I hope that I can do a better job of caring for people each day, working without making that the top priority, spending a little time documenting how life is going and being more of an example.

Life is definitely too short. Hopefully it will be packed full of experience and not space filling.

Yes, I will still pray for my friend and have faith for her recovery. At one point in our conversation she actually talked about her faith and her appreciation for those who have supported her through this ordeal. Sorry to say that I haven't been there for her all this time. But, happy to say that she gave an inspiring little speech/testimony there at the dinner table. So, her example will continue to be felt whether she has health miracles or not.

These challenges always spur questions like - why did this happen? I still don't know even though we know that life will be full of challenges. All I can do is learn what I can from them and hope I have a chance to share the learnings and live a little longer.

So, Holly, you probably won't ever read this, but we'll continue to talk, visit a hole in the wall restaurant or two, and pray and hope for your recovery during this difficult time.

Sickness and Gratitude

My sinuses are kind of bad right now, but not as bad as others. My boss is out for a second surgery on his without good results.

My body is a little tired, but not as tired as others. My friend has two types of inoperable cancers and couldn't get a needed gastrointestinal bypass because the cancer was intertwined into various organs. She's trying to get rest while keeping a job, getting treatments and staying involved in her civic volunteer duties.

My mind is always anxious and stressed, but not as much as others. A church member collapsed on his lawn with a heart issue and it all came down to stress on the job.

My weight is a little high, but not as high as others. Some people are overweight to the point that it is causing major health issues.

My headaches are intense, but not as much as others. Ok, the secret to this one is Excedrin Migraine and Excedrin Tension headache medicine.

So, tough stuff happens with our bodies sometimes, but I'm grateful that I'm feeling pretty good right now.

My Week

This week was absolutely exhausting from Sunday through tonight. I think other people can handle these things better, but I'm going through a very long phase of not being able to handle too many activities after work.

We went and visited our friend Holly on Monday night who landed in the hospital after passing out on her doorstep last week. Luckily, someone was right there picking her up for church and she was able to get rushed to the hospital. Her stomach had closed off for a few weeks (not sure how that works) and so her food wasn't going through her system properly. The body just hit the point of not being able to function. Unfortunately, once they started testing her they starting finding evidence of cancer. So, I still have to follow up to find out the latest results.

On Tuesday I came home from a terrible day at the office, bought way too expensive groceries and had a great conversation with Pam even though we had to cut it off too soon. Talking to great friends always makes my day.

On Wednesday I went over to help hold some little baby twins. It was nice to be over there for a few hours and just rock a baby for a while. It kind of provides some stress relief. It was funny, or sobering, for me to try to hold one baby and pick up the other. Wow. Such basic tasks become so difficult when there are two the same age to handle. I guess it's a good reality check for me since I'm always saying that I'd love to have twins someday - mostly for the efficiency of not having to be pregnant too many times.

On Thursday morning I was at work and stopped eating at 10:30 a.m. to prepare for a virtual colonoscopy and a body scan that I was to get on Saturday morning. I had a huge piece of fish and then started drinking liquids. Have you ever noticed that the minute you can't have any food you feel like you have to sample every type of food as if you are never going to be able to have it again? You would think I was moving to some remote place, but no.....just doing a food fast for almost 48 hours.

I had a special meeting in the afternoon that involved telling other people about my skillset and why I would be interested in utilizing a different part of my skills in another location. Nothing more on that, but hopefully it is obvious what that means. I kept getting offered stuff to eat during it and I finally explained the Christmas gift that I bought myself and it required only liquids for a few days. It at least broke the ice a bit.

After the special meeting, I drove up to Pentagon City and went with John over to the DC Harbour to get on one of those dinner boat cruises. He was invited to a company event and so it meant networking and talking to people that we didn't know. This kind of thing lost appeal to me back when I went to a few black tie affairs when I first moved to DC. I don't find joy in sitting around with people I don't know, don't care about and will never see again. I'm not trying to be rude because I honestly think the other people feel the same way. Unless I'm someone with power or with an autograph...it's a waste of both our energies. That being said, we sat and ate with a nice couple that found there way to us. Still not sure if that was planned or not since John is being recruited by this company, but either way it got me through the four hours. Let's just say this - go on dinner cruises with someone you enjoy and for a personal night out. Don't go with a networking event if you are someone that likes to leave parties whenever you have the urge. Once on the boat, there is no getting off the boat until it docks...and it was way to cold to jump out and swim, but I do always have the urge. Also, I deserve a certificate because I drank only water and Sprite despite the wonderful aromas floating around the room.

On Friday, I woke up to a splitting headache and took some medicine. Bad idea. All pills and liquids came back up and I spent quite a while worshipping the porcelain throne in a different way than I had expected to this weekend. So much for getting any work done. I slept and drank liquids the rest of the day until I got a phone call about my Mom being taken in an ambulance to the hospital. Since my parents work at the temple in Columbus...they were away from home and we weren't sure what hospital they were at. It was the second shocking health moment (first being Holly's experience) this week and it really made me want to get to my body scan to make sure I was taking care of myself. They released her today thank goodness after multiple tests and good results. Perhaps it was stress and being worn out from everything over the holidays. Either way, it was a wake up call for us all - a reminder to always stay in contact with those you love.

This morning I had my physical and colonoscopy. Whew! Let's just say the body scan was a breeze, but for the virtual colonoscopy they still have to pump some air into you to get a good picture. They had to try a couple of times to pump more air into me which is slightly uncomfortable. Ok, very uncomfortable! I was glad when that was over and I could get to a private place to get it out of me. Haaa. I will leave it at that!

I was able to sit down with the doctor onsite and he did a preliminary analysis. I've got some things I've got to check on which fit right into some of the symptoms I've been feeling. This will just give me more ammunition to take to the doctors because they rarely act as if I'm serious about these things.

It's been an exhausting week. It doesn't sound that way when I write it down, but it doesn't show all the early mornings at work, the meetings, the issues that had to be resolved, the personal anxieties, etc.

Tonight I've finally gotten to sending out some email cards and creating some JibJab videos for the kids I teach on Sunday. I haven't even started on Christmas cards, Christmas emails or half the Christmas gifts I intended to send. So, I will improvise when the time is right.

It sounds like I'm just another person trying to get through December - doing the work I get paid for, taking care of personal needs and somehow trying to help a few people along the way.

Maybe all of us should just sit back and think a little more about the season and stop creating so many expectations for ourselves, family and friends.

P.S. Maybe I should have put this entry in my journal. It's a little long and a travel log...with no travel.

Restless and cancelled appointment

Today I cancelled an appointment that I had made at a clinic that supposedly does every kind of test on you in one day. You know, kind of like those body scan places, except this is supposed to be for executives and the membership is good for a year. I was going to shell out a few thousand bucks and find out every possible thing that is wrong with me. When they sent me the packet for my visit it only showed them doing a couple of scans that I could easily get done through a doctor AND for a lot less! I cancelled the appointment and asked if they would spell out everything they were actually going to do like they had on the website. I haven't heard back from them yet. I must be one of those people they just write off. That's not a good idea. After all, I am blogging about it right now. I won't share the name until I give them a chance to explain themselves.

So, as a result of this appointment, I wasn't actually supposed to be at work today. I went in anyway. After two meetings and finishing 6-7 tasks that I had on my to do list....I just left the office around 1 p.m. It's a good thing that I didn't ride with the carpool today.

I'd been gone for over four hours and so the bug bombs I had put around my house had enough time to sink into the nooks and crannies. (I found one of those thousand leg bugs last night and I have no tolerance for little living creatures in my home). It is giving me a little bit of a headache though.

I've checked emails a couple of times and now I'm going on a walk. Sometimes I just need a mental break. It's just too much of the same every single day. Ugh. I've never been in the same job this long. But, it's stable and I should be grateful for that. Now it feels like this is an entry that should be about my job complaining blog (you have to ask me specifically for that address - it's hidden).

My boss may be surprised that I've taken some sick time this week, but I've got a few hundred hours saved up and I'm sure we are allowed to use some for unsettled minds, necessary relaxation and escape from Meyers-Briggs personalities that start with an E.

We'll see how it goes.

Knees

My knees are hurting a little bit today and it reminded me of an email that my Dad sent out to the family a week or so ago.
__________

The other night I found myself in a very reflective mood, to the point of a few tears. And what, you might wonder, brought me to this point. Well, it's pretty simple -- my aching knees.
Since my trip to Albuquerque, New Mexico to watch Brett play in the U. S. Collegiate Rugby semi-finals. During my trip I read the "South Beach Diet" book and was basically struck with the fact that I needed to do something about weight, and thus about what I eat. At the same time Rebecca was reporting her success in reducing her cookie & cracker intake, so I began to think more seriously about the issues of diet, weight and food intake. And then I heard of Chris' success in reducing his weight & size too. So, after thinking more about the book, and what its basic message is, I decided to try something I had never done before -- diet!

The first step was to realize that the enemy of weight loss can easily be summarized as "5 C's":
Cookies, Cake, Candy, Crackers, Cream (ice)....

There are other culprits too but that is a long list. -- bread and pasta -- are also atop the list. Other key elements of such a program are exercise, portion control, eating regularly, etc......there are others, but you can probably list them all.

I won't ramble more with a poorly organized speech, but you get the idea here --------- IF you, any of you, are over-weight I URGE YOU TO SERIOUSLY CONSIDER DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO LOSE WEIGHT. If you don't your knees will KILL you when you reach 55, or 60, or 64. I don't know what your age will be, but -- the extra weight you carry today will ruin your knees tomorrow. Take it from a living testimony -- me. Part of the reason for my sobering experience the other night was my imagination running a bit wild with the possibilities for my future. If I have bad knees, how will I finish my temple service? Will I be able to go on a mission? Will I have to use a cane? How about artificial knees? Wheelchair? How am I going to work through the debilitation in my knees that I am suddenly beginning to feel more intensely? etc...
So, that's it ---- for the sake of your mobility and the ease of your future years, P L E A S E do whatever it takes to get your weight under control. It doesn't matter what reason you use in your private mind to justify yourself.

By the way, this is for everyone to think about.....I hope.
This message could probably be better written with more thought, but I need to tell you this before we leave tomorrow morning. Think seriously about it.
Love, Dad