Overwhelmed

I've been overwhelmed for a while. The toil of working so many hours has a huge impact on me. Mentally I have difficulty dealing with people 10-12 hours a day with constant interruptions. Physically, it is bad for me and hard to get the right amount of exercise, sleep and good eating necessary to keep my body working properly. Politics wear me out. I'm never caught up. My house is pretty messy (and that will be another post!).

And yet...

Every few days I have an amazing conversation, a mind growing moment, a meaningful workshop or completion of something I've been working on for a long time.

That is overwhelming as well. Overwhelming feelings of contentment, gratitude and peace.

They almost balance out.

Yes, I'm looking at ways to make big changes over this next year. Some change is quick, some is gradual and some may never come. Either way, I'll work them and see what the future holds.

For now, I'm realizing that being overwhelmed is a part of my life. Sometimes in a bad way, but at other moments very powerfully good.

Tonight I'm basking in the opportunity to get all my experiences and thoughts out of my head while no one is here. That is overwhelmingly satisfying.

Best get offline to make the moment last. (-:

Overwhelmed and Overworked

It feels like forever since I've blogged. In some ways, I forgot that I had all of these blogs. Unfortunately, that isn't a good thing since I'm someone that has to write stuff down to decompress.

Right now it is 4:30 a.m.

I cannot sleep.

I have about 6-7 pages of "to dos" from work that I haven't been able to get to for two weeks. Partially, because I took care of my sister's six kids for a few days and partially because I'm experiencing "meeting mania." Literately, I've had about five meetings a day and I've had to lead most of them. So, it's hard to multi-task when you are engaged in leading a meeting.

Yesterday was the last straw. My first meeting was at 8:00 a.m. (which I arrived late to because traffic was bad and it took me 1.5 hours to get to work) and the last ended at 6:00 p.m. The two prior days were filled with meetings as well. All the energy is being sucked from me!

It wouldn't bug me, but I had just worked 20 hours the prior weekend to get through about 700 emails and different projects only to find myself overwhelmed again.

Really, right now is the perfect storm. I'm training two production managers, trying to lead a new contract that has tons of important initiatives attached to it and trying to pass along old responsibilities while gathering an entire slew of new responsibilities under my belt.

Why? Why am I doing this?

Right now I have to in order to move forward, get the salary increases, etc.

However, and this is a big however, I cannot sustain this way of living. What bothers me most is that I haven't had that time to think, ponder, and get inspiration. I must be in bionic mode all day and make split second decisions for people to move forward on implementing new processes, systems, partnerships, etc.

That being said, I am grateful. Grateful that I have a good job that is stable. Grateful that I'm entrusted with this responsibility. Grateful that I'm growing my talents.

Now it's 4:46 a.m. and I've got plenty of time to get ahead of the game. Plus, I get to be at home most of the day today and so I might even be able to have some laundry going on in the background and get a few minutes in on the treadmill.

So, I'm going to get off this blog and get to work.