Overwhelmed

I've been overwhelmed for a while. The toil of working so many hours has a huge impact on me. Mentally I have difficulty dealing with people 10-12 hours a day with constant interruptions. Physically, it is bad for me and hard to get the right amount of exercise, sleep and good eating necessary to keep my body working properly. Politics wear me out. I'm never caught up. My house is pretty messy (and that will be another post!).

And yet...

Every few days I have an amazing conversation, a mind growing moment, a meaningful workshop or completion of something I've been working on for a long time.

That is overwhelming as well. Overwhelming feelings of contentment, gratitude and peace.

They almost balance out.

Yes, I'm looking at ways to make big changes over this next year. Some change is quick, some is gradual and some may never come. Either way, I'll work them and see what the future holds.

For now, I'm realizing that being overwhelmed is a part of my life. Sometimes in a bad way, but at other moments very powerfully good.

Tonight I'm basking in the opportunity to get all my experiences and thoughts out of my head while no one is here. That is overwhelmingly satisfying.

Best get offline to make the moment last. (-:

Gas Station Hostage Situation

I made you look, didn't I?

Don't worry - it isn't anything that made the evening news.

It is just me. I feel like a hostage sometimes when I go to the grocery store, but never at the gas station.

Please tell me you know what I'm talking about. A few weeks ago I got out of my car to pump by gas and immediately there is  a guy wiping down one of the lights on the front of my car. He points out the before and after and then starts in on the car to show off his miracle drug - removes the dirt, makes windows shine and cleans layers of bugs off of headlights.

All for the price of $30 a can or $40 for two. Hmmmm. Then perhaps I should be able to get one can for $10? No, of course not, that is not how the deal works.

I succumbed and purchased the cans. Why? Probably just to get away and promising myself I'd use it instead of paying my usual $26 to go through the car wash.


Typically this happens at the grocery store and the picture below shows why I stop going grocery shopping on Saturday mornings (especially in the February - April timeframe).

They are cute and everything, and the cookies are good. However, I shouldn't have to feel guilty if I walk by them without spending a dime. The "guilty" looks actually come from most of the parents and not the Girl Scouts themselves. After all, most of the time they are just sitting there playing and talking to each other whilst their parents ensure they make the sales.

A little entrepreneur myself, I do make exception if a child goes out of their way to do all the work of marketing to me. In fact, I'll buy two boxes and tell them to keep the change.

Almost worse is when parents bring their children's list of things to sell to work. Really? Who is this about anyway? I promptly tell them to have the kid call me and I will most likely buy. I've had some good little phone conversations with some savvy little kids that really didn't need their parents taking over their responsibility for them. My parents never did it for me and it forced me out the door and on to the street knocking on doors to find out if anyone wanted to buy anything. I did pretty well for a shy little girl. Perhaps the shyness actually helped my cause.

But, I digress. There are some places that I just want to go in and buy stuff and not be held hostage by someone forcing a product on me. Plus, if a product is good enough, why would any force be involved? Millions of dollars are being made by word of mouth through Twitter and other sites just because people have the urge to "share the gospel" about products they enjoy.

So, least there be any concern out there - no hostages were actually taken to spur on this message. I just felt like one and had to get it off my chest.

Geesh, now I'm craving thin mints.

Overwhelmed and Overworked

It feels like forever since I've blogged. In some ways, I forgot that I had all of these blogs. Unfortunately, that isn't a good thing since I'm someone that has to write stuff down to decompress.

Right now it is 4:30 a.m.

I cannot sleep.

I have about 6-7 pages of "to dos" from work that I haven't been able to get to for two weeks. Partially, because I took care of my sister's six kids for a few days and partially because I'm experiencing "meeting mania." Literately, I've had about five meetings a day and I've had to lead most of them. So, it's hard to multi-task when you are engaged in leading a meeting.

Yesterday was the last straw. My first meeting was at 8:00 a.m. (which I arrived late to because traffic was bad and it took me 1.5 hours to get to work) and the last ended at 6:00 p.m. The two prior days were filled with meetings as well. All the energy is being sucked from me!

It wouldn't bug me, but I had just worked 20 hours the prior weekend to get through about 700 emails and different projects only to find myself overwhelmed again.

Really, right now is the perfect storm. I'm training two production managers, trying to lead a new contract that has tons of important initiatives attached to it and trying to pass along old responsibilities while gathering an entire slew of new responsibilities under my belt.

Why? Why am I doing this?

Right now I have to in order to move forward, get the salary increases, etc.

However, and this is a big however, I cannot sustain this way of living. What bothers me most is that I haven't had that time to think, ponder, and get inspiration. I must be in bionic mode all day and make split second decisions for people to move forward on implementing new processes, systems, partnerships, etc.

That being said, I am grateful. Grateful that I have a good job that is stable. Grateful that I'm entrusted with this responsibility. Grateful that I'm growing my talents.

Now it's 4:46 a.m. and I've got plenty of time to get ahead of the game. Plus, I get to be at home most of the day today and so I might even be able to have some laundry going on in the background and get a few minutes in on the treadmill.

So, I'm going to get off this blog and get to work.

Anxiety Clouds

This isn't very important, but the clouds have been hanging over us for two days now. No legitimate rain has come from these clouds.

It is creating too much suspense and anxiety to the point of kind of being spooky. I would be more relieved if thunder broke lose or a downpour were to occur. Instead it feels like the quiet before a tornado. Perhaps I should actually turn on the news to find out if that is in the forecast instead of working on blogs and work email while watching conspiracy videos about September 11th.

Really, this isn't the most important thing that I have to write about today, but thought I'd document it anyway.