Loved Ones

Sitting in church today someone said "loved ones." I think we all say it without recognizing what we are saying. Or, maybe I'm just late to this ah-ha moment.

Here's a typical sentence:

"We were praying for our loved ones that were in Hurricane Sandy."

I had always thought of these "loved ones" as a group, but it very clearly states in the dictionary that this is "a person who you love, usually a member of your family."

We are all individuals and feel loved one-on-one.

I'm going to think on that the next time I revert to praying for large groups at a time. It's individual people with individual feelings, needs, heartaches, and talents that need individual attention and prayer.

The Mailbox

When I was a teenager, I traveled with a youth group to Washington, DC to the LDS Temple.

These trips were always quite grand in our youthful minds.

It was a four day trip – one day driving, one day site seeing, one day at the temple and one day driving home. I still remember this first trip because “We are the World” was the popular song as well as Madonna’s “Material Girl.” Music that was a far cry from the purpose of our travels, but remembered just the same.

At the temple, we all couldn’t participate at once and so we sat in a waiting room where various videos were played. Cipher in the Snow was a sad story about a boy that was neglected by a drunken care giver and somehow the story all worked out in the end. Another was about the blind man that married a woman that had low self-esteem and she worried he wouldn’t love her once he re-gained his eyesight through corrective surgery.

For some reason, “The Mailbox” stuck in my mind the most. It depicted the day in and day out of an older woman who lived alone. She would walk to the mailbox, down her long driveway, on a daily basis to see if she had received mail from her sons and daughters and grandchildren. The neighbor boy came around to visit her periodically with his mother, but otherwise she led a fairly lonely life. She lived for a letter or a phone call and typically received neither.

One cold wintry day she trod out to the mailbox and there was a letter!

She couldn’t wait to get back to the house to open it and find out the latest happenings in her children/grandchildren’s lives. But, in all the excitement and flurry she was able to open it, read a few lines and then fell back in her chair suffering from a massive heartache.

I’m not sure if I was a huge letter writer before this time. I know that my parents taught me to write frequent notes and letters to friends and family. But, this little movie vignette stuck with me and I vowed to make a better effort of communicating with those people close to me that needed more support, love and contact in their lives.

When I was in my early 20s, I had returned home from serving an LDS mission and started back into my college degree. My grammy had died and my grampy was having a difficult time of it, but was still healthy and strong. But, over the next couple of years it was clear that he wasn’t going to live that long out of loneliness for my grammy.

I felt strongly one day that I should write a letter and I wrote a long one. Luckily, he was able to read it…about a week before he died. I have never regretted writing that note. It has been a source of comfort for as long as I can remember.

Now my other grandparents are in their 90s and are starting to find it difficult to get around, communicate and involve themselves in meaningful activities. They are lonely.

They need mail!

So, I've decided to do what I should already have been doing - sending a letter a week! I mean, how hard can it really be? These people helped bring me into this world and I don't have time to send a photo, write a letter or share a card?

I've done it for a couple of weeks and vow to continue, especially since I've been the recipient of some cards and packages recently that completely made my day.

There are so many ways to serve out there and I'm thinking if we all just did a little more in the way of notes, cards, photos and thank you sharing - well, perhaps the world would be a bit of a better place.

Off to write a letter!

I will pray for YOU

Someone said this to me the other day most sincerely. People always say this - at least close friends and people at my church. Public officials even say it on TV. News anchors and dramatic movies reference it. I've said it once in a while myself.

Do we really mean it? Yes, I think so.

My question is this - how many people actually make it a matter of prayer after they make the promise?

My sister and I discussed this for a small moment at Thanksgiving. Both of us realized that we needed to do a better job of actually praying for the people that we intended to pray for on a regular basis.
However bad this sounds, I think I'm going to add people to a special part of my "to do" list so that I reference their names regularly and remember to take time to think of them on a regular basis.

The amazing thing is that when I do pray for others, I think of more ways to help them AND of more people to pray for and feel an immense sense of love toward them.

So, next time I say "I'll pray for you," know that I really do mean it AND really do mean to act on it.

...just don't look over my shoulder at my to do list. (-:

Clarence or George - on life and earning wings

One of the most beloved movies of all times contains a story of great hope and a message of individual greatness.

The two main players - Clarence Odbody (Henry Travers) and George Bailey (Jimmy Stewart) make that possible through their mutual need for each other. Clarence, the guardian angel, needs to earn his wings (though he somehow got to George without them) and George, a beaten down man that needs to be reminded of what he has to offer the world as he prepares to plunge to his death in a raging river.

Clarence (Angel Second Class) walks George through a scenario of "life without George" in the small town of Bedford Falls, which would have become Pottersville without George's influence. As Clarence stated:

"One man's life touches so many others, when he's not there it leaves an awfully big hole."

It's Clarence's job to ensure that George realizes his individual greatness and that he must continue through the struggle until that time when he would again experience success, happiness and higher self-worth.

George has a job too - to accept Clarence as his personal helper and to have faith in what Clarence is telling him. George has to allow Clarence to give him the perspective he cannot have for himself.


Which are we in our lives right now - A Clarence, a George? A little of both?


I'm feeling a little like Clarence right now - an angel second class trying to "earn my wings." Sometimes I fail at it and put the wrong things first. Sometimes I don't give my all in helping lift others hearts. Sometimes my mind can't handle doing so.

There are A LOT of George's out there right now for various reasons. Personal issues, money issues, heart break. Real despair. Deep sorrow. Plummeting self-esteem.

Are we an anxious Clarence eager to help? Do we tough out the tough times with the George's around us?

Or, do we knit our eyebrows together and say "Oh, I'm so sorry that you are going through that" and return home to our own comfortable lives of pleasant meals, shopping excursions, book clubs, and laps at the pool? After all, we need to take care of ourselves, right?

It is a difficult balance - this thing of enjoying ourselves, staying balanced, and being a Clarence.

Many of us are mixtures of both Clarence and George. In fact, all of us should be in some way. We all have our weaknesses or despair, but sometimes those hardships lessen in our lives. At those points we are strong enough to be Clarence, who even admits to being a little weak himself.

Just thinking out loud right now and don't suspect there is a point here except to always be  aware and ...to be friends to all in need.

As Clarence said to George - "No man is a failure who has friends."

Thank you for being mine.

True Gifts

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What is a true gift?

I've written about good gifts before - in an old entry - and felt like it was just when people gave you things that were unique and memorable for you.

For me, that means someone that bought me licorice in memory of our "licorice runs" at college or wrapped my favorite cereal in a box for my birthday. These were cheap gifts, but they had meaning based upon experiences that I had had with the giver. Or, when my sister drew a poster with the letters of my name intertwined with quotes from me, drawings of things I liked and representations of my talents. Those are the gifts that I keep for a very long time.

After reading Seth Godin's blog entry - http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2010/06/gifts-misunderstood.html  - about gifts ( and excerpts from "The Little Big Things" by Tom Peters, as well as excerpts from the Bible), I am realizing the true power of giving a true gift. And, I am realizing it through reading marketing and sales gurus. Who would have thought it?

As Seth points out, there is a difference between favors, presents, and freebies. Gift certificates, automatic card writing services, and catalog shipments just may not cut it.

Gifts require us to give of ourselves. Or, in other words, to sacrifice.

To quote part of the Seth post:


"The way I understand gifts is that the giver must make a sacrifice, create an uneven exchange, bring himself closer to the recipient, create change and do it all with the right spirit. To do anything less might be smart commerce, but it doesn't rise to the magical level of the gift. A day's work for a day's pay is the win/lose mantra of the industrial era. More modern is to view a day's work as a chance to generate gifts that last."

How beautiful is this thought!

I've implemented a few "gifts from the heart" lately, and in doing so am realizing the true power that comes from giving more than mediocre remnants of our being.

It sometimes hurts to give of oneself, especially if it means you will feel the "pinch" in some way. Yet, these "gifts of the heart" also seem to open up the heart for greater possibilities of friendship, success and character.

This reminds me, I got a card the other day. The friend, not known for great handwriting, had etched in pencil what he wanted to write first and then went back over it in pen. He wanted it to look nice and painstakingly (for him) created that little draft right there on parts of the card.

It was little, but it was a true gift.

Hate and Prejudice - it can go both ways, unfortunately

A friend sent me a news article about some elementary children in Rexburg, Idaho that were chanting something about killing President Obama. Another person, in a southern state, talked about removing her children from school for the day because of racial slurs against white children after the elections. People voting "No" on proposition 8 in California have produced multiple protests across the country accompanied with stories of hate crimes/nuisances. People that voted "Yes" have posted blogs, news articles and Facebook status remarks with comments downgrading the gay communities desire to have marriage rights. Of course, these are just representative examples.

It is interesting to watch the strong feelings on all sides. It is really interesting to see that all sides have developed prejudices and very strong reactions when greeted with opposing views or cultures.

My point is that sometimes we, as human beings, can become so self-righteous in our opinions and desires that we can individually, and collectively, end up treating, or reacting to, someone wrongly in the same way we perceive them to be wronging us. Does that make sense?

Personally, I believe that no matter who you are it is wrong to shout out the death of someone leading the country. Talk about creating division and chaos. It is wrong to persecute someone for their skin tone, no matter how light or dark. After all, who got a choice in their skin color? (I personally still wish I was tanner) I believe that no matter what your gender orientation, race, or religious beliefs – it is not ok to persecute another for their choices. I may not agree with the choice. I may be adamant in supporting a cause other than your own. But, going the route of personal attacks can lead to a lot of hate, mis-information and the inability to work toward solutions that work for all. Of course, if someone is blatantly breaking a law and harming others…that is another issue. (I am a Mormon and we went through quite a bit of persecution in our past – it went beyond belief attacks into law breaking)

Right now I haven't seen very many good examples of how to deal with any of the hot topics facing our national issues. However, I do know that applying principles of effective dispute resolution and the "what would Jesus do?" principles would be very applicable. When it comes to Christ, I think He would very strongly present the truth as truth, but wouldn't personally attack individuals in the way that most of us do today.

Perhaps it might be a good time to turn back to these principles and take a few lessons. It would probably melt down barriers that have formed on all sides and come to some workable solutions.

Unfortunately, once any issue becomes political it is rare that the solution will be based upon anything to do with truth, love, or perspective. But, that shouldn't prevent any of us from saying our piece. That's how blogs came about, right?

Ok, I'm done venting.

And I make an end….at least for this moment.

Ann's wedding

I had the opportunity to fly out to Utah/Idaho this weekend to see a good friend, Ann Collier, get married.

It was especially meaningful because they are both in their 30s and have waited a long time for this occasion. Well, at least waited a long time separately since they met at the end of last year.

Not anything against young brides, but there was a certain deepness to the experience knowing that this was more than a pretty dress, a ring, and a fairy tale experience. Some of the other brides at the temple on the same day looked like they were 16 years old! Hopefully, they were at least 18 years old. It was a little odd that a lot of them were wearing white flip flops under their formal gowns. I guess that added to the feeling that some thought this was a fun activity for a Saturday and not an eternal relationship kind of thing. Oh, am I being rude? Perhaps. Shame on me. I need to be less judgemental.

(P.S. Patti made a comment on this blog and it reminded me that I hadn't put all my feelings in the post. If my friend Ann had been wearing flip flops under her dress I think I would have felt differently, but when everything about the young ones seemed flakey...the flip flops just seemed to add to that occasion. So, here I go adding more and probably digging myself into an unintended pit when my feelings aren't really that strong on this topic. Ha. I guess it give me insight though - some people are reading this blog) (-:

Really, I didn't feel like I was judging them at this point in life. It's more of a feeling of "wow, I'm so glad that I didn't get married at that age." Now, it's taken me a little too long to get to the marriage point, but I'm not sure how well it would have worked out for me if I had made that commitment so young. I just barely figured myself out in my 30s. Plus, I was a really late bloomer in the social relationship skills department.

It all comes down to this - to each his own.

And on that note, here are Ann and Mike on their special occasion. I think the pictures tell all - beautiful bride, handsome groom, wonderful temple and grounds, and couple in love.