I'll admit to being a little quiet lately on the RebeckerOnline front. I have a lot going on inside and outside of my head. It's like I'm going through a big huge reflective period of life while de-toxing from the extremely stressful last few work years.
I see why it is difficult to take these reflective moments on because it forces dealing with reality.
What am I going to do the rest of my life? Will I have a family? Have I spent my time wisely? Do I help the right people? What was I supposed to do with this time and did I do it? Am I comparing myself to myself or to other people and their seemingly perfect lives? Why am I not rich yet? Should I become an entrepreneur sooner rather than later? Why do I relapse and eat entire (large) bags of peanut M&Ms just because they are sitting there? Oh, wait, why did I feel the need to save 4 cents an ounce and buy the big bag when I know full well I'm a peanut M&M -oholic? Who are these people on Facebook that go to the mall everyday shopping? And, why do they have the need to share? Should I be selling that book on Amazon or keep it to share with a friend? Why can't I talk to my friends sometimes? Why can I become such a hermit when I need to deal with issues? When did I start liking tv so much? Why do I work in a cube farm? Is the world going to end in 2012 or is the history channel creating spin like all the other news channels? How can I be of better service to others and at the same time just plain get away from people? Why do I want to get away from people, especially since I'm a person? Why can't I write like Seth Godin and be a good "Linchpin?" Why does he have thousands of followers of his blog? Do I want that? I don't know.
Why does my life never go the way I planned?
The what, where, why and how questions are rarely helpful to me. But, once in a while I do ask the questions.
Regardless, I'm grateful for those quiet friends. Those that I can go back to after not talking for three months, a year, five years or whatever. I'm grateful for those that continually try even if I'm not mentally ready. Even if I'm fighting battles in my head alone. I'm grateful for random family visits (which I've had over the last few weeks) where I have real conversations with people that must be part of my life even if they didn't choose it. And, part of me knows that they would have chosen to be friends even if we weren't family. I'm grateful for past co-workers that invite me to their lake house for a few hours and I drive back feeling like I experienced a week long vacation.
Right now I need to quietly deal with a few things, but I'm anxious for the next phase.
A beautiful little quote to remember:
"You can fly, but let go of that cocoon of yours."
Ah, but its still a little safer in here...
4 comments:
Just so you know, I noticed you were gone.
And you're not alone in your feelings about solitude vs. hermit vs. loneliness.
It is definitely something people who have spent the bulk of their adult lives in companionship with others do not understand.
I wish I had feel better words for you. But I don't. But you're not alone.
I'm still here reading whenever you want to write. :)
I've missed hearing from you. You know, we all have those reflective periods where we're full of questions. I think that's just part of life. And I think most of us also have those times where we just want to keep quietly to ourselves...and that's fine. But need to also remember, just as you mentioned, those friends who will always be there for us. I hope you're albe to come out of this reflective period with a renewed optimism. I'm looking forward to reading more on your blog...when your ready to share more :)
nicely worded. miss you. looking forward to hearing more.
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