They say that clouds have silver linings. Well, at least that is what they say when bad stuff happens and you are expected to find the good in it.
I think that sometimes the silver is tinted a dull gray, but perhaps I need to get into a better mindset.
Today I'd say is a dull gray with a glimpse of silver tint on the other edge of wherever I'm located. How is that for trying to be positive?
Actually, I'm not as down and out as I'm portraying myself.
The real title of this post should probably be - "Condos, FICO, stocks, and too high fillings." But, that doesn't sound too interesting.
Right now I'm at home trying to figure out if the soft ceiling above my master bath is my problem or that of the person upstairs. This is when I wish I was renting. I would just call it in, get to work, and someone would appear and repair and I would have no bill. But, alas, now I get to deal with neighbor (which is fine), condo association and a leak that most likely isn't mine. Of course, this turns into a feeling of why do I have a $300,000 mortgage for a little two bedroom, two bath house anyway? And, why is there wind coming through the window when I have thick blinds and curtains and do the people really need to vacuum the hallways right exactly when I start my conference calls?
See, one little crack in the ceiling creates all these emotions.
And, here we have a FICO score coming in around the mid-600s when I am one of those people that always has a high score and creditors love me. Somehow I was double billed on an X-ray a year ago and one bill was sent to a collection agency. I won't say how much, but most of my creditors have lowered my accessible credit by thousands of dollars citing my bad credit. The neglectful radiology center says "we apologize and we are sending a note to the three credit bureaus to correct the situation." Um, thanks? So, I'm out of thousands of dollars of emergency credit AND have a low credit score because of your mistake? I'll pretend to not be mad.
Oh, and not to blame anyone in my cube farm, but a dear co-worker had a candy bowl out the last few months that I walked by and ate from in times of stress. My lack of self-control caused a couple of cavities, not just from the candy, but also because I've started clenching my mouth in times of stress and it has broken down the sturdiness of some of my teeth. A few days ago I got two taken care of after multiple shots of numbing medicine. Second day, not so lucky. Multiple tries and their efforts still caused sharp pains to rip through my gums. So, off to work I went with a sideways mouth and raging headache. To top it all off, I'm not really someone who likes candy. I just ate it because it was there and to quench possible bad breath.
On top of this, the dentist hasn't quite filed down one of the fillings to the original tooth's shape. So, as we all know, little changes in teeth, gums or tongue feel like huge boulders or disturbances even if something on them is ever so slightly off.
Did I mention I still have a headache? It must be all these Arctic weather fronts moving through our area?
Stocks I just threw in because the news talks about how much they went up last year, but that is only a gain if you bought all of your stock last year. Goodness, all the dollar cost averaging in the past means that all the gains last year just put my portfolio where it was at in 2006. I should be happy why?
I'm already a sign of bad luck this week.
Or, am I?
Here's the silver part:
1 - Got to go into work late two days in a row and so I actually saw the sunshine those two days.
2 - Today I'm at home working (except for this 10 minute break) while I get this plumbing issue straightened out. I'll probably get ten times more completed outside of the cube farm.
3 - My credit score should only go up from here.
4 - I have a job.
5 - If I need to, I can go lay down and take a nap to get rid of this headache.
6 - My neighbors are wonderful.
7 - I'm not in foreclosure.
8 - I ate pancakes for breakfast.
9 - My bathroom is now clean, because you always have to clean when you know people are coming over to fix something in your house.
And, the 10th of the 10 ten reasons this messed up week has silver linings is:
10 - You are either happy that I have a life like yours or happy that you don't.
Which reminds me of a quote - "The only good thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others."
Have a joyous day!
Showing posts with label struggles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label struggles. Show all posts
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Missionary Experience - A video
One of my friends from work/church posted this link on Facebook:
http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/nyregion/1-in-8-million/index.html#naisi_zhao
Basically, her friend created the video of a Mormon missionary in Chinatown, New York.
It brought back a lot of memories.
Right now my job is mentally tough. Really, really mentally tough. I'll write about it more at a later date since it is not appropriate right now. And, I'm not so stupid to think that no one from work is reading this blog.
Anyway, besides this job, the mission was one of the most mentally tough portions of my life. The first few months were so hard that I was sure it was time for the end of the world to come because I was confident "the end" would be less painful.
Why was it tough? It is hard to even remember because the good experiences overshadowed the actual challenges of every day.
Perhaps it was the fact that people hated you for at least 12 hours every day. Every where we would go people who had never spoken to us would ridicule us, lie to us, throw food at us (from school buses), curse us (swearing and literal witch types), and try to prove to us how horrible we were and how we were brainwashed. That was mentally tough. I still remember a moment where someone kicked us out of their house after we had become friends and threatened to burn our books right in front of us. It was one of those piercing feelings that went deep into the soul, but from it came powerful convictions. I needed to make a choice to stand for something because the opposition was strong.
Then, there were the people with the "trained to kill" dogs protecting their homes hidden in the country. And, the big spiders that jumped at us as we made our way through webs to unused front doors. Oh, and there was the commune with the strange tall thin lady at the door that informed us she was an "emissary of the divine light." We watched our backs and prayed for confidence in that dark, foresty, grey and rainy obscure neighborhood in the hills of Oregon...and hit the road quickly. Oh, and then there were the 5-6 pit bulls that ran around me as I tried to teach a family a lesson while getting whipped by their rapidly moving tails. Or, the ladies that didn't let us in during a horrible thunderstorm and we had to walk home with lightening and rain flashing on all sides.
Did I mention that both of my arches fell one week and I had to get orthodics which hurt my feet even more for a few months? But, we kept walking day in and day out, sometimes losing hope in what we were trying to accomplish.
By the end of the mission, we were so immune to abusive people and experiences that most moments weren't even written in the journal even though they had been earth shattering at the first few months of the 1.5 year stint.
Like the woman in the video link above, I too came home feeling like it helped me more than I helped other people. I'm sure it is the same for all that go. We go thinking we will help others and it ends up helping ourselves.
As many people told me then - "the sorrows will outnumber the joys, but the joys will outweigh the sorrows."
Yes, there were trials, and yes, there were miracles. The pit bulls, dobermans and rottweilers went whimpering away most of the time and never bit me or my companion. People would be touched by the Spirit and make life changing decisions over a single weekend. We were protected from those that had originally intended to cause us harm. Others sincerely told us how we had brought them a gift that changed their lives.
My job right now is tough. Politics, favoritism, rewarded mediocrity, and emperors with no clothes prevail. Quiet firmness is often mistaken for weakness or timidness. Shared lessons learned are often viewed as complaining. Unlike the mission, this opposition isn't producing life changing experiences?
Or, is it?
Time will tell.
One thing I do know - the mission forces one to give of themselves heart, mind, and soul during the time of life that is typically the most selfish (college years). It tests one beyond what they think they are capable and most emerge more mature, talented, focused and committed than before they entered the experience.
So, perhaps this means that I will emerge as a great CEO at some point in the future?
Haaaaa.
Like I said - time will tell.
http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/nyregion/1-in-8-million/index.html#naisi_zhao
Basically, her friend created the video of a Mormon missionary in Chinatown, New York.
It brought back a lot of memories.
Right now my job is mentally tough. Really, really mentally tough. I'll write about it more at a later date since it is not appropriate right now. And, I'm not so stupid to think that no one from work is reading this blog.
Anyway, besides this job, the mission was one of the most mentally tough portions of my life. The first few months were so hard that I was sure it was time for the end of the world to come because I was confident "the end" would be less painful.
Why was it tough? It is hard to even remember because the good experiences overshadowed the actual challenges of every day.
Perhaps it was the fact that people hated you for at least 12 hours every day. Every where we would go people who had never spoken to us would ridicule us, lie to us, throw food at us (from school buses), curse us (swearing and literal witch types), and try to prove to us how horrible we were and how we were brainwashed. That was mentally tough. I still remember a moment where someone kicked us out of their house after we had become friends and threatened to burn our books right in front of us. It was one of those piercing feelings that went deep into the soul, but from it came powerful convictions. I needed to make a choice to stand for something because the opposition was strong.
Then, there were the people with the "trained to kill" dogs protecting their homes hidden in the country. And, the big spiders that jumped at us as we made our way through webs to unused front doors. Oh, and there was the commune with the strange tall thin lady at the door that informed us she was an "emissary of the divine light." We watched our backs and prayed for confidence in that dark, foresty, grey and rainy obscure neighborhood in the hills of Oregon...and hit the road quickly. Oh, and then there were the 5-6 pit bulls that ran around me as I tried to teach a family a lesson while getting whipped by their rapidly moving tails. Or, the ladies that didn't let us in during a horrible thunderstorm and we had to walk home with lightening and rain flashing on all sides.
Did I mention that both of my arches fell one week and I had to get orthodics which hurt my feet even more for a few months? But, we kept walking day in and day out, sometimes losing hope in what we were trying to accomplish.
By the end of the mission, we were so immune to abusive people and experiences that most moments weren't even written in the journal even though they had been earth shattering at the first few months of the 1.5 year stint.
Like the woman in the video link above, I too came home feeling like it helped me more than I helped other people. I'm sure it is the same for all that go. We go thinking we will help others and it ends up helping ourselves.
As many people told me then - "the sorrows will outnumber the joys, but the joys will outweigh the sorrows."
Yes, there were trials, and yes, there were miracles. The pit bulls, dobermans and rottweilers went whimpering away most of the time and never bit me or my companion. People would be touched by the Spirit and make life changing decisions over a single weekend. We were protected from those that had originally intended to cause us harm. Others sincerely told us how we had brought them a gift that changed their lives.
My job right now is tough. Politics, favoritism, rewarded mediocrity, and emperors with no clothes prevail. Quiet firmness is often mistaken for weakness or timidness. Shared lessons learned are often viewed as complaining. Unlike the mission, this opposition isn't producing life changing experiences?
Or, is it?
Time will tell.
One thing I do know - the mission forces one to give of themselves heart, mind, and soul during the time of life that is typically the most selfish (college years). It tests one beyond what they think they are capable and most emerge more mature, talented, focused and committed than before they entered the experience.
So, perhaps this means that I will emerge as a great CEO at some point in the future?
Haaaaa.
Like I said - time will tell.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
A Day
It's been "a day" or "one of those days." It's not that everything went wrong, but it's been a culmination of feelings over a week that have come to a head I guess. I've gone through a lot of emotions, experiences and drama lately and so I think I just need a break. I've decided not to go into the office tomorrow after my car appointment, but still haven't told my boss. Ooops!
Today was "a day" primarily because it felt like a lot of the interactions that I had were strange. It felt like I was saying the same things I always say and reacting in the same ways that I aways react, but people responded differently. Remember, this is from my point of view. People would respond with "whoa, that was to the point" or "okay, so you feel strongly about that" or other comments that implied I was being sharp, rude, or high stress. After a while I realized that I should just be quiet because I must have been coming across in a different way than I intended.
Hmmm. I don't know what to think of it. Perhaps I am a little stressed. I've had a change in wedding plans this past week, but felt good about that. I've dealt with LOTS of project issues this week that have required hours of interaction with people developing products as well as high level people creating political issues. That pretty much drains me. My boss was out, but sending lots of emails and tasks. I've eaten way too much Halloween candy and had to take the rest to work to get it out of the house. Sorry trick-or-treaters...I'm not buying more to replace it. The candy gave me headaches and then I exercised for shorter periods of time resulting in gaining back a couple of pounds I so religiously worked off. And, I just don't want to clean the house even though it's only me and how messy could it be anyway? But, it does need cleaning.
This is all happening, of course, after I have made goals in my head to be a little kinder, a little more helpful and little more patient. Sometimes these expectations create more frustration because the difference between what I am and what I could be is more apparently. Thus, a difficult balance of having patience with self while struggling through the re-growth process. Alas, I'm starting to wax philosophical, aye?
Sigh.
Moment of silence.
I'm feeling better already. But, I'll put on the other tennis shoe and get out on my walk. It' finally sunny, crisp and autumn outside and I want to go take it all in for an hour while it's still light outside.
Today was "a day" primarily because it felt like a lot of the interactions that I had were strange. It felt like I was saying the same things I always say and reacting in the same ways that I aways react, but people responded differently. Remember, this is from my point of view. People would respond with "whoa, that was to the point" or "okay, so you feel strongly about that" or other comments that implied I was being sharp, rude, or high stress. After a while I realized that I should just be quiet because I must have been coming across in a different way than I intended.
Hmmm. I don't know what to think of it. Perhaps I am a little stressed. I've had a change in wedding plans this past week, but felt good about that. I've dealt with LOTS of project issues this week that have required hours of interaction with people developing products as well as high level people creating political issues. That pretty much drains me. My boss was out, but sending lots of emails and tasks. I've eaten way too much Halloween candy and had to take the rest to work to get it out of the house. Sorry trick-or-treaters...I'm not buying more to replace it. The candy gave me headaches and then I exercised for shorter periods of time resulting in gaining back a couple of pounds I so religiously worked off. And, I just don't want to clean the house even though it's only me and how messy could it be anyway? But, it does need cleaning.
This is all happening, of course, after I have made goals in my head to be a little kinder, a little more helpful and little more patient. Sometimes these expectations create more frustration because the difference between what I am and what I could be is more apparently. Thus, a difficult balance of having patience with self while struggling through the re-growth process. Alas, I'm starting to wax philosophical, aye?
Sigh.
Moment of silence.
I'm feeling better already. But, I'll put on the other tennis shoe and get out on my walk. It' finally sunny, crisp and autumn outside and I want to go take it all in for an hour while it's still light outside.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
So much to write, but so little to say
Ok, this entire week I wrote down blog topics that needed exiting from my mind. Since I can't access the blogosphere at work, and because I was in a fairly intense training, I figured I would be able to write about everything on my mind this weekend.
So far so bad.
I have so much to write, but yet my mind and heart aren't in it right now. It's one of those days where some stressful stuff came up at the end of the day and it really just threw me off course mentally. It's amazing to me how fast that can happen! One minute you can be revealing in the "I had a good day" feeling and then something happens - a phone call, a note, a piece of mail, a comment - and suddenly the heart and mind change. With good news an amazing feeling comes over you. But, like today, sometimes your heart turns to lead (heavy) and your mind asks - Why? Why me? Why us?
This is when I cry, ask why, eat a few things I shouldn't eat and then say those prayers that should be said everyday, but are often lost in the bustle of life.
After a while (minutes/hours), the reality of "life isn't fair" comes back and somehow the mind finds a way to justify that things will be OK and the heart finds a way to move forward despite the challenges that arise.
I'm feeling a little better right now, but ...I still think I'll save those other blog entries for another day.
So far so bad.
I have so much to write, but yet my mind and heart aren't in it right now. It's one of those days where some stressful stuff came up at the end of the day and it really just threw me off course mentally. It's amazing to me how fast that can happen! One minute you can be revealing in the "I had a good day" feeling and then something happens - a phone call, a note, a piece of mail, a comment - and suddenly the heart and mind change. With good news an amazing feeling comes over you. But, like today, sometimes your heart turns to lead (heavy) and your mind asks - Why? Why me? Why us?
This is when I cry, ask why, eat a few things I shouldn't eat and then say those prayers that should be said everyday, but are often lost in the bustle of life.
After a while (minutes/hours), the reality of "life isn't fair" comes back and somehow the mind finds a way to justify that things will be OK and the heart finds a way to move forward despite the challenges that arise.
I'm feeling a little better right now, but ...I still think I'll save those other blog entries for another day.
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